Exactly why do so many marriages struggle to make it! – How do you stop it from going wrong?

If you are one of those couples who’s worried about your future together, I know through my own personal life and relationship journey the ups and downs of getting it wrong is incredibly painful.

What I’ve learned in the past 30 years has really shocked me.

It shocked me because I never knew growing up from anyone what needs to happen for a marriage to really last and thrive – To be open with you I never thought I had to do much other than be a nice guy and work hard.

How wrong can you be…

What I have learnt and now teach is how to really make my own relationship work. To do this I had to make a number of powerful shifts to become permanently valuable and attractive.

This is the knowledge that can make or break a relationship, it’s not common knowledge and this is why I’ve made it a life mission to help as many couples as I can uncover what they are not seeing so they can live safe connected happy lives as equals.

They get married never thinking it will happen to them

What I see is so many couples are getting married with all the best intentions, but with no idea of what they are really stepping into the couple become vulnerable to ongoing problems.

When I look into peoples histories I see many patterns of behaviour that are repelling their partner.

Do this for enough years and the marriage will suffer.

So when someone decides to leave their husband or wife they are in danger of repeating the same mistakes with new partners without knowing.

In essence couples are simply not setting themselves up for success at all because they are not aware of the negative impact they are having on each other.

The couple needs foundations to create a meaningful life together

To be successful couples need strong core foundations of understanding of what is going to make their specific relationship work for life.

One of the core foundations is knowing “how to repair a relationship problem fast”.

It needs to be fast so the problem(s) doesn’t breed and stack resentments.

When couples don’t know how to resolve their problems they can try to bury them for a quiet life, or go on and on at their partner.

These destructive processes without knowing can slowly yet powerfully create a relationship where they turn their partner into someone they need to protect themselves from, or they need to manipulate on some level to get what they need – this leads to painful circular patterns.

Couples in trouble can live circular destructive patterns 

There are a number of destructive patterns that I see so many couples operate without really understanding the outcome.

A common pattern (there are of course many) is where women are becoming far too masculine in their marriage (due to emotional disconnection) and men are either becoming far too weak, or they are becoming what women would call controlling or bullying.

Whichever way you cut it, these types of patterns are not good for either person on any level.

It’s not good because this process is reactive and not considered, so it lacks the vital understanding and behaviours that will keep the individuals and couple safe.

Again the typical reason for this type of position is a history of both people are acting in ways that repel their partner and have been for years.

Do I blame them? No!

Should they blame themselves, or each other? No!

Like my experience in my early years they will simply be unaware of what’s really going on.

What’s frustrating for the couple is neither party is actually aware enough to see what they are doing to themselves and each other so they are unaware of the damage they are doing to each other.

The result is couples are repelling each other without realising

So I see both men and women are without knowing showing up in their relationship in a way that is very unattractive to their partner and so without knowing they repel their partner.

  • So if a women meets an amazing man unwittingly she can do everything she feels is right only to find she has turned him into the reverse of what she really wanted because he has lived and suffered in reaction to her.
  • Men can do the same, fall in love with the most amazing woman, but discover what was fun adventurous and sexy is now controlling and negative though emotional disconnection and he’s no idea what he did to help create that.

The end result is someone is naturally going to give up because they feel so bad in the relationship because, through confusion (of what’s really going on) they end up emotionally detaching to protect themselves.

In this type of situation naturally when the person feels pain that pain is totally real – No one is questioning that reality, the question that’s not asked is what caused their pain?

The person that’s unaware of what really created their pain can want to leave their partner.

They are in danger of repeating the same patterns with someone new

Leaving the relationship without the right knowledge can cause ongoing problems for that person.

What they are not seeing is what’s really going on. They don’t see how they have repelled their partner and they miss what has really created their own feelings.

This is why I see so many couples that historically have chosen to leave their marriage only to end up back with their partners years later, but are unsure what’s happened.

I also have many individuals who have reacted so badly to their marriage, they leave the marriage only to regret it and then want their partner back.

I do agree there are some couples that are the wrong fit, but if you have a family, getting to the bottom of why the relationship has collapsed is so important.

One key to a successful relationship is to never enter the battle

What’s sad is if the couple actually knew what they were doing then they would never have entered into the battle where self protection was needed and so they block the chain reaction so many couple slip into.

I have helped so many couples who thought their marriage was dead rebuild and create new and exciting futures together – what these couples had is the courage to battle their fears and become stronger, confident and more value to their partners.

  • So what if couples stopped seeing their partner as the someone they need to battle or protect themselves from?
  • What if couples learnt how to live in a partnership where they knew how to behave in ways that would feel amazing to themselves and also be seen as attractive to their partner?

Nature never designed men and women to live in a box!

Well guess what – Nature has not designed us to naturally know how to do this, which is why so many couple are getting stuck – The high divorce rates are not an accident.

I have committed to spending my life helping couples understand how to really see what their relationships have needed.

  • Some couples need to simply get back on track because they have lost their spark
  • Some couples are so lost they don’t know how to get back to a meaningful connection
  • Some couples have lost their passion
  • Some couples have one person who is not sure what they want
  • Some couples have lost love and are not sure what it means
  • Some couples suffer from massive breaks of trust
  • Some couples are not sure what to do for the best for themselves and their children

Each one of these dilemmas is very challenging to solve on your own so I have devised a number of programs to help individuals and couples combat their challenge in a way that helps them gain clarity and live safer happier lives.

The Marriage Breakthrough Program is just one of many crisis based program I run to help couples make intelligent decisions for the rest of their lives.

If your interested to learn more about the program that is right for you and how I can help you out of your specific dilemma and into a far better place – please make contact with us today.

You have three choices:

  1. Request a free call me Click here
  1. Stop sitting on the fence and book a one off meeting so you can learn what is really causing your problems and what to do about it. Book a consultation.
  1. Contact us to learn more about the programs Stephen offers. Click here
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.