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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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He filed for divorce totally unaware of the truth

In November 2016 he told me he was done – this was his first and last meeting with me and he was going to file for divorce. He was fed up with years of her being negative and controlling of him and everything around her.

He said he loved who she was when they first met but over the years and after a first child she had changed and he was now unable to stay with her.

He told me the relationship had been so difficult for him he felt he had no choice but to seek love elsewhere.

So he created a secret relationship with another woman and stayed with his wife not wanting to leave his child. It was his way of staying with the family but he was now at the end and needed to move on.

In his head the situation was clear but I could see he was missing some crucial information.

He was unaware that who she had become was not who she really was. The reality was she had been in emotional trouble for years and they both didn’t know.

So rather than finding out why she had changed he just accepted that this was the new her and he couldn’t live with her negativity anymore.

As I spoke with him I could hear he had genuinely tried everything he could think of.

He was also totally unaware of the things he was trying had actually made her worse and so she simply became more entrenched.

This is a very common problem that when couples try to fix their problems they actually make them much worse.

The reason this happens is because they don’t understand the real problem so they try and fix either a symptom or what they think the problem is with disastrous consequences.

In this case, this lady had become emotionally overwhelmed and her system had fired up a survival mechanism that had emotionally detached her from her husband and herself.

This meant any intimacy was very difficult for her so added to the husbands’ suffering.

In her head, she was just trying to get through every day – one day at a time. Life for them both was no longer fun, passionate or light.

She didn’t know what had happened to her so she wasn’t trying to get out of this emotional state she was simply reacting to it.

It’s almost like an open wound that never heals – it makes someone irritable and negative and emotionally exhausted.

Over the years he asked her what he could do to help her, but she had no idea and all she could come up with are solutions that practically helped her but never really shifted her out of this dark hole.

Both people were emotionally exhausted but she didn’t want him to leave.

He knew he couldn’t stay with her this way.

I helped the husband understand what I was seeing and naturally, he pushed back and became animated and upset with me. I was asking him to get to the truth which was different from the truth he had created.

So it was a big decision for him but he needed to know the truth before he moved on.

Due to her emotional overwhelm and her husbands’ natural frustration with her she had become so stuck over the years she had lost all emotional connection with herself and sadly didn’t know.

As I helped her reconnect with herself and supported her husband with how to support her the couple were able to reconnect.

By helping the husband to really understand what had happened to her he brought new compassion with a curiosity to learn what they were really capable of together.

For her, she now understood what had happened and how to either help herself in the future or call upon her husband to help her.

Essentially the couple were now fully aligned and this is a place both people can live.

His message to me was I can’t believe the change in her.

Her message to me is her husband is now her hero! She said, “I never wanted him to leave but I really didn’t like him, but looking back I didn’t like myself either.”

Virtually every couple I work with are totally disconnected to their real problem and so they go round in circles destroying their connection to each other.

To all the couples I see my first piece of advice is to stop trying to fix their problem before we have defined the root cause because you will do more harm than good.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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