How Can I Trust Again?

My post today was inspired by a comment from Meredith on my post Trust Building in Relationships.

She talks about her struggle with trust issues when building a new life and entering new relationships after a spouse’s infidelity and divorce.

Trust in new relationships can become a real issue, especially if you’ve had a bad experience historically, such as infidelity.

In this situation fears can become triggered automatically and give you feelings of wanting to move you away from the possibility of more emotional danger, so building a new relationship can be full of problems driven by fears.

So you are now stuck, knowing you would love to be in a loving relationship, but too fearful to expose yourself again, because you fear what might happen that’s out of your control.

To cure this problem a different perspective and focus is needed.

When individuals come to me with this kind of problem, I help them focus on what they can control.

The question is can you TRUST you?

Can you trust you to find and create a relationship that will meet your core needs? Proof so far is you have got it very wrong without knowing, so you might repeat this again… this focus will drive more fears…

So the goal is to put you back in control…

You see unless you know how to create a strong, lasting passionate relationship that grows through their problems you will always be concerned and lacking in confidence that you might not be able to trust you to…

  1. Know who is right for you?
  2. How to plan and build a relationship?
  3. How to understand your own needs and communicate them?
  4. How to understand your partners’ needs?
  5. How to communicate to him in a way he/she understands?
  6. How to grow security and more love through conflict?
  7. How to keep the passion alive and let go of your fears?

Without confidence in your relationship building skills you could feel exposed to more bouts of trial and error that equal real danger.

  1. You see attraction is easy!
  2. Falling in love is easy!
  3. Having a great relationship whilst it’s going well is easy!

But, building a successful relationship through the ups and downs of life, and that stays passionate, now that’s a skill worth mastering….

So the question is not about trusting them, it’s about you trusting you to create the understanding that will help you avoid the pitfalls, that causes problems, that destroys relationships and leads to destructive actions such as infidelity.

That’s the new goal..!

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.

Comments

  1. This response to Meredith is also very timely for me, after my relationship break-down involved a third party, but it does lead to many unanswered questions.
    In fact, if I could have the answers to the questions you listed, I think I would feel infinitely safer… How do I trust myself on these, given how spectacularly wrong I have been in the past?

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      Relationship education combined with self discovery is the answer.

      Understanding what actually makes you happy is the answer. Most people are focusing on what they think makes you happy, but actually causes more pain.

      So any decision that you make that is designed to help you move away from pain is likely to be a wrong decision.

      Any decision you make has to be a move towards pleasure, because it is focused on what you want rather than what you don’t want.

      Fears create fears!

      Once you understand you and why you do what you do, then learning how to create successful relationships become easy.

      The fear will be gone and you focus will be on growth and contribution, rather than on your safety in the relationship.