“I love you – but I’m not in love with you…”

So many couples can find themselves in this situation. It’s shocking to hear this sentence, and it can cause panic. The key to this situation is to understand what they mean and what can we do about it? Is It a lost cause, can love ever come back?

Below I’m going to share what they mean and your options.

So what do you mean? Do you love me or not? Their sentence is confusing.

If someone is struggling in their marriage and has been for a while, they will have two thoughts. Firstly they will know historically they experienced love and have experienced many loving times.

This is the “I love you” part of their sentence and can be reflective of two people that love their kids.

The “I’m not in love with you” part means that TODAY their active love for you is no longer present.

In this situation, most people who have shut down love don’t want to be active in the love department, especially intimately.

Some people in this situation really can’t bear spending any time with their partner and some simply put their partner in the friend zone.

In the situation where one person has switched off their love, they will have to battle with the other person who hasn’t – this can be stressful on both sides.

Intimacy is now a problem; spending time together is a problem; in fact, all normal couple behaviour is now problematic.

The good news is for many couples; this situation can be reversed.

Some people want out of their marriages, but my advice to those people is take the time to learn what they have reacted to that has made them switch their love off.

You see so many people switch off their love because their OWN translation of their partners’ behaviour has hurt them.

This will lead the person to protect themselves from their partner, and this is the perfect way to switch off love.

The problem is couples are misunderstanding each other all the time, and this will switch off love.

One example I see a lot: For women, when she shares a problem, it’s likely she will hear from her husband that her problem really isn’t a problem.

Over time just this process will stop her wanting to connect with him as she feels that her feelings don’t matter to him, so he doesn’t care.

It’s not true he doesn’t care in fact the reverse is true for many husbands. When men have problems, his goal is to make them as small as possible as fast as possible so he can get rid of them is how he deals with them.

So he is sharing with her what works for him unaware that this is not what she needs to process her problem.

So if the person who has switched off love can understand why their love died, they are then in a position to choose if they want to turn it back on.

For many couples, if both people become a team and start to work toward the same goal, their dynamic can be reconnected, and love can be reignited.

The key to switching love back on is.

  • Understand how you switched it off.
  • Have you switched it off for the right reasons?
  • If both people understand the path to switching off love, do they both want to take the necessary steps to turn love back on and develop their love and passion for each other as each year passes?
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.