I’m so sick of this…

One of the challenges couples face is when a partner brings what they call facts to the table and their partner disagrees. The couple can ping-pong and escalate out of control as both fight their corner.

So to be clear the persons feelings about what they are communicating will be true, but the facts as they communicate them will be perceptual based on many filters all humans use to create meaning.

Please remember that our mind is not a voice and video recorder.

If 100 people watch the same movie each person will create their own meaning and experience. This means we have 100 perceptions of the same fact.

Couples can get so caught up in facts they lose sight of what’s really important, this make couples feel sick because they can’t get through to each other.

Trying to get the facts right will only cause your relationship more problems. People who are more interested in being right or winning the ‘fact war’ usually end up winning and being right, but also end up alone.

Take some time to think, is it more important to be right? Or is it more important to notice how your partner is feeling based on their words and put that first?

If you watch how they are feeling you can become a powerful partner because if they are in pain emotionally you can look after them rather than making their pain about you which always causes more problems and loss of respect.

What you are trying to create is to be as magnetic as possible.

Being right and winning creates resistance and hidden resentments.

Caring about what someone is feeling makes you selfless and a magnetically attractive partner that can be trusted.

 

 

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.