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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Interrupting and changing patterns that cause relationship breakdown

In the last post we looked at what really causes relationships to fail and it’s not what most people think. In todays post we will look at the patterns we create that are not designed for creating a life long intimate connection.

If I’m going to help someone to achieve the life and relationship they desire understanding the patterns within them that will sabotage that goal is critical.

The patterns of behaviour that lead people to disaster are automatic within them in other words they are not conscious decisions.

These patterns are designed to protect the person from harm, however the application of the pattern is very sloppy and so the wrong automatic response can be triggered without the person knowing.

One gentleman I worked with was automatically obsessing about rearranging the knives in the kitchen draw, straightening the blinds on the windows and checking every other defect in his house which there were many. His wife of just 18 months told him to stop or she would have to leave. He loved his wife with all his heart, he didn’t want her to go but this pattern within him compelled him to continue even though he knew the consequences.

Of course most don’t have such extreme patterns however the ones they have can be just as damaging. For example how male and female translate each others words and actions. Again these are automatic patterns influenced by events in our lives.

If a woman is upset with her husband, he can feel attacked by her. The ‘I’m being attacked’ is an automatic response. The question the man is not asking is am I really being attacked? The answer is usually no. A woman who is upset with her partner is trying to connect with him/her frustration is she can’t understand why he doesn’t understand her. Her automatic pattern can’t understand why he is not looking after her, why is he protecting himself from her.

These patterns that are not understood cause real problems because our biggest goal is to create a meaning to all the situations we are in.

If our differing patterns of behaviour are not understood then we put the wrong meanings to our time together and we can wrongly assume our partner has decided to not look after us and this sparks the most powerful pattern in us all. If we feel we won’t be loved, or be enough, the pattern of self protection we all adopt is very powerful and it leads us to become emotionally detach from our partners. This lead to loss of love, loss of intimacy and loss of trust.

To solve these patterns of destruction they need to be understood and they need to be replaced with patterns that rebuild security, trust and love.

Couples that work with me, learn about the patterns that are destroying their relationship and how they can meet their needs in ways that enable growth towards a successful future together.

We create new patterns within both people that manages expectations, builds lasting trust, helps both people to meet their own needs whilst meeting their partners needs and they are focusing each other strengths to become a team working towards are future they both desire.

When couples learn how to do this they feel connected to themselves and their lives again.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?” - June 26, 2025
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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