What are you and your partner feeding your brains about your relationship and what impact is it having on you both?
The reason I ask is because many people are not aware of the power that comes from consistently conditioning their brain. It’s powerful because it creates feelings and we attach feelings to things, thoughts and people.
So if a woman feels bad every time she talks to her husband, she will create an association to him that’s bad. She is conditioning her brain about how she feels about him.
You see from feelings people make decisions and many people are feeling wrong in their marriage and are deciding a divorce is the best solution to that problem.
What they have totally missed is their feelings have been generated by the way they have been translating and judging their relationship.
The problem here is this: To get a great solution to any problem you must ask a great question. Sadly many people are either asking no questions at all assuming what they feel is proof enough, or they are asking the wrong questions which will lead them to disaster.
The question why is my partner so awful to me, will lead a person to search for more times they were awful, this is disastrous.
So the question is not why do I feel bad about my husband/wife. The question is what part have I played in making me feel bad about my husband/wife?
What did I do to myself that enabled me to feel this way?
Well… to go from falling in love to wanting a divorce actually takes a lot of effort to become successful.
You firstly have to translate your partner behaviours as bad and then go on the lookout for more bad behaviours and practice doing this over time.
Remember that when we look for problems we will find more and more of them.
The question is: Are my partner behaviours really bad, or have you misunderstood them. If you have misunderstood and you feel bad, what would you have created within you? Yes that right, you have created bad feelings. Who have you attached those bad feelings too? Yes that’s right, to your partner.
Now does that seem right to you? No… something is clearly wrong here.
The question now is this have you misunderstood your partner? If I was in your shoes I would make the assumption that you have.
I would go in search of the truth in many cases peoples seemingly bad behaviour is because they love their partner not because they don’t.
Just knowing that the way men and women translate information is very different means translations are going to get distorted.
The key to a successful relationship is learning how to create the translations that align with your partners real intent.
In my experience the fastest way to kill a relationship is to move to protect yourself from your partner. Make an assumption about your partner that is not true and you will move to protect you from them.
When you move to protect you from your partner they will in reaction mirror you and you will both feed your minds exactly what it needs to detach emotionally from each other.
The best way to not fall into this trap is to learn the difference between men and women and specifically what influences the thoughts you both have. Many people create thoughts that have little to do with their relationship, but the marriage and the family pays the ultimate price.
Do men naturally know how to emotionally connect with their wives… NO! Why? Well firstly they have never been female how would he know? Should she assume he would just know what she’s feeling? NO!
The price of getting this wrong is too high. I am currently working with individuals and couples to understand this at a far deeper level. Their philosophy is they will do anything to get this right because they put high value on their own lives and the lives of their family.
They want to be great mums and dads and great leaders for their families and they know they can’t do that without the right information.
Are you going assume you know what you are feeling is right and take a risk, or are you going to learn how to really know?
About Stephen Hedger
