Is your dynamic designed for a life of love, or is your dynamic leading you to problems you could never have foreseen? Very smart and intelligent individuals such as GP’s, Business leaders, QC’s to name a few are falling foul of this hidden information in their relationship so you can forgive yourself for not knowing.
So a professional ability to be successful is not an indicator of creating a successful life of love. Like everything in this world to become successful at anything it has to be learnt and relationships are no different.
The thinking that suggests relationships should just happen is a real myth and so as you scan the information below you’ll start to understand why and how important it is to learn how to take control not only of the direction you are both going, but how you both show up on the journey through life together.
So when I talk about dynamic what do I actually mean.
Your dynamic is defined by how you both show up in your relationship and the affect that has on your individual experiences of being together.
I do want to stress one very important point before we talk about the dynamic. Do you live in reaction to the world you live in, or do you create the world you live in? To be clear, if a person lives in reaction they are less likely to have the ability to control their future which means they are not as safe as they would like and this is especially true in relationships.
To take control of your feelings and your future this has to be understood.
When a person has an experience in life any meanings created, or feelings that are experienced are actually created by that person. No one has the power to make us feel anything. I will repeat as this is so important if you want to create the future you want. NO ONE HAS THE POWER TO MAKE US FEEL ANYTHING! The thoughts and feelings we create within us are simply triggered by the world around us.
It’s the trigger(s) that creates a reaction within us and we then create our own unique interpretation that then leads us to our feelings and the meanings we put to them.
This distinction is critical to understand because if we know we are 100% the creators of our feelings and the meanings we put to any situation(s) then we are potentially 100% in control. I say potentially because it’s not until you take action do we claim the power to control our emotional states.
The next step is to learn how to take control of our individual experiences.
This is so important to understand when creating a dynamic that works in a relationship, because if part of the dynamic is a person feels their partner is making them feel something we are starting with an illusion. Remember our partner can help trigger our habitual responses, but we must take personal responsibility for what we feel if we are to lead ourselves into a safe and loving life.
Many reading this may disagree because feelings seem to automatically come up. The challenge the person faces is they have not yet learnt how to take control of their own emotional states so they assume they can’t be controlled.
Once a person has the ability to take responsibility for their own experience then they are in a position to not only create the feelings they want, but also learn about their partners experience and support them.
So the starting point for any person wanting to create a dynamic that works is learning how to create the feelings they want so when the relationship needs them they can be the best they can be, but from a position of understanding each other.
Couples that are confused by each others actions do not have enough understanding and sometimes the desire to put themselves in their partners shoes.
The key to a successful dynamic and relationship is in our ability to be valuable to that relationship. So giving to your relationships is key, but knowing what to give is where most couples fall over.
If you or your partner are struggling to find happiness together then both people are likely to be…
- Living in reaction to each other
- + Not having their critical needs met.
Many seemingly impossible relationship problems can be solved and having a poor or destructive dynamic today is not a permanent state if what really matters is changed.
About Stephen Hedger
