Kissing Too Many Frogs?

Finding the right person to spend your life with is so critical. Getting it wrong can cause so much heartache both for men and women.

So what happens when you keep getting proof that your relationships are not working. What do you do? How do you solve this, who do you blame?

One of my clients in her early forties had this very experience in her words “…for decades”.

Fears play a huge part in the process of getting relationships wrong so this was my instant focus for her. I knew that the fears in her were going to attract men who liked that fearful version of her.

This was a recipe for disaster so I had to help her understand how to create the right version of her so she could attract men who liked her, just the way she was, the real her – minus the fears!

What’s interesting is she was so locked in keeping herself strong through fear she was not aware of what she was really afraid of and how that fear was created within her. This was the key to setting her free.

This is very common and causes so many relationship problems.

The Princess in her longed for her Prince!

‘Before I met Stephen I had spent literally decades searching for the right person to share a life with and never having any luck & continually repeating very painful break ups.

Until early 2010, in my early forties, another predictably short relationship ended in tatters…..my friends all said that I had been misled & used. But I had a nagging voice inside me saying this is your problem, these disasters are to do with you & perhaps it is not bad luck after all.

This made me feel sick inside & I knew I needed to seek help.

Somehow I came across Stephen’s website & I decided to give him a call and test my theory on him. I had imagined, like past counsellors I had spoken with, that I would be told I needed to focus on being positive and happy being single, and then it would all fall into place (incidentally I was happy being single and had a very nice home & job).

What stunned me was what Stephen said over the phone ‘…you have answered your own question – it is you, yes you are the problem, you are too efficient at being single & that is the issue! We need to focus on why this is the case & then start a plan of action’.

I met with Stephen and the flood gates opened, but bit by bit he rationalised everything from childhood over a number of weeks and gave me so many insights into my behaviour it was embarrassing, painful, sad, but ultimately healing.

I came away with some great tools of how to manage situations & achieve my future aspirations. I still keep on paper those tools & spreadsheets in my bag! If anybody came across them I am sure they would think I have a dual personality!! But they help me see sense and work forwards.

Under a year later from my work with Stephen, I met a wonderful single Dad and things for me are very positive! My relationship with X and his children is very happy and going from strength to strength. X does seem to be my oak tree, which is one of the points I always remembered from our discussions.

I also find it very useful remembering back to the exercises we did imagining where I wanted to be and facing the right direction and moving forward. I still do that and it also looks as though I will change jobs soon for the better.

X & I are discussing and planning for me to move in at the end of this year and in the meantime we are going on holiday alone together in May and also two other breaks with the children in March and August.

Hopefully these holidays will help and cement the foundations of the relationship and also help the kids get used to me being around 24/7!  X is everything I wanted in a man & he does bring out the best in me. We can also discuss difficult issues and always manage to come up with a mutual agreement.

The work I did with Stephen helped me to identify not only where I was going wrong in the past, but perhaps more importantly how to get what I need without compromising my values.

Rather spookily X and I share very similar values. Because of this we seem to have a relatively easy relationship despite the fact that it could be very complicated & painful due to the issues involved as he lost his wife to illness.

X is so caring but decisive and compared to past relationships it beggars belief that I ever put up with such procrastination & excuse making. But I guess that comes back to shared values.

I feel lucky right now to enjoy being part of a family and my life has changed so much in the last 8 months and looks as though it will continue to for many months to come!

I can see those dreams starting to materialise at last!

  • I would not hesitate to recommend to anyone a meeting with Stephen if you feel you need help. He has the ability to see the issue instantly and then send you forward. The work is not easy, but I wanted results and that’s what I now have!’

2016 update

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.