I arrived in Harley Street yesterday ready to get working with a couple in my intensive Marriage Profiling Program. When I arrived I received a voice mail from another client I saw earlier in the week and she shared something that is important for all couples to know…
This couple came to their first meeting with me for an evaluation session where we have 90 minutes together. The goal of the first session with any couple is to evaluate where they are in-terms of severity and the goals they would like to achieve.
It was an interesting session because initially their problem was not obvious.
There was no doubt in my mind this couple really loved each other, but their problem was slowly was getting worse. Their arguments were going round in circles. He felt there was not a major problem, he was generally happy he just wanted the arguments to stop, but she was clearly very uncomfortable, but with no really clear idea on what was causing the problem.
This was a real frustration for them both. BTW over 70% of people that file for divorce are female so this is important to understand, because if she has problems that are not understood they never go away, ever.
To be clear to every couple out there this is how many couples start their journey to massive life changing problems. An invisible problem starts a snowball of challenges.
This couple had a very successful relationship for many years and so this new phase in their relationship was the start of a problem that clearly needed to be understood quickly.
We looked at the many possibilities that could have influenced this new yet destructive change.
As we looked at all the key influencers, my mind was directed to what core issue was being challenged. What foundational part of this relationship was being compromised and how could they overcome that challenge as a team together.
As I saw their real problem appear I asked them a question: How would you both feel if we could solve this problem in one session, this session? They both became excited at the prospect, but we just had 45 minutes left.
I spent time explaining what was happening within her as these problems showed up. 1. It was important that she could see why she was challenged. 2. It was also important that he understood her world and why she was becoming so upset so he could be there for her in the way she needed.
I explained to her what she had to do to become part of the solution and how he could be there for her in a way she could connect to.
The process had to align both people with who they really were and engage their true sexual essence.
I showed him how to use his masculinity to create security for her that would free her feminine energy and I instructed her to open to him. When couples do this the sexual energy feels good and is based on a connection that’s honest and this creates a dynamic that can build growth together.
As the session progressed she kept repeating, “yes this is the problem”. He watched her excitement at now knowing what the real problem was.
In the session she reconnected with the truth in his heart and he now had the solution to how to protect her emotionally in that moment and in the future.
They left on a high.
Back to Saturday’s voice mail… So she called and left a message which is the reason I do this amazing job. She had called to say… her words. “A huge, huge, huge thank you to Stephen” she explained how that one session had totally transformed their marriage.
Her gratitude was immense.
Many couples just want their problems to go away, the challenge for every couple is there will always be problems. The key to life is learning the skills to be able to deal with those problems and that’s what I share in my sessions.
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