Relationship Break Up Ruined My life

When two people make a promise to love each other forever, and in many cases for better or for worse, the shock of a break up is like being hit by a train and plunged into darkness.

Even those that know the relationship has not been working are totally devastated when reality strikes and their partner just gives up and leaves.

You still love them, but you hate them too, you want them back, but you don’t.

The future you had hoped for is ripped from you, and you are plunged into massive uncertainty that is so scary that you can feel a shift in you, you didn’t think was humanly possible.

Of course everyone reacts differently, but these are just some of the powerful emotions that a break up causes, add children into the mix and the fall out can be massively magnified, although children can help to keep the sanity as their survival becomes more critical than your own.

Most of us know how painful break ups can be, but for some the break up can be so powerful that they feel some how stuck, sometimes for years. They want to move their life forward, but they don’t know how. They have thoughts that swing from maybe their partner was always wrong for them, to not being able to see a future without them, no matter what they have done. Plus to add to the confusion the thoughts and feelings change every day.

It’s like logic is saying one thing, but the feelings are not matching, and the feelings seem to win the battle every time.

Some may think that the partner that left them was their only chance for love, in this place they can do almost anything to get their partner back, resulting in them disrespecting themselves further confirming their lack of self worth and pushing them further in to depressive states.

The depression, lack of certainty, lack of love, lack of self worth all works together to knock out all self-esteem and confidence to cope with the world, let alone re-building a life and finding love again.

People who experience these emotions stop telling their friends how they are really feeling, because they have heard the story 100 times and their response is always the same, “…you’ll meet someone better, all you have to do is move on”.

The problem is it’s like telling a clinically depressed person to just cheer up, it won’t work.

So the result can be further isolation as they have no one to turn to.

So where are you today?

  • Are you in this place and you would like help now?
  • Do you have a friend who you are worried about?
  • Are you in a relationship and you fear a break up?
  • Would you like to find out more about how I’m help people recover from Break up trauma?

Please feel free to comment below about your experiences or take action today and find out how I can help by Clicking Here and requesting a no obligation call back.

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.

Comments

  1. Good article, I feel completely identified with it.

    My break up really made my life get stuck. I broke up over 2 years ago, after a 5 year relationship, and I am starting to re-construct my life, at least in the economic aspect, now.

    After the break up, not only I was unable to find love, but my career also got stuck as I was too depressed to work and either quit or was fired from 3 or 4 jobs. My salary in those 2 years went down; every new job had a lower salary than the previous one, making me feel even more depressed. This, together with the fact that I was completely devastated by the relationship break-up.

    I also got isolated like you said, because I was not able to tell my friends anymore my feelings, and the result is that 2 years after the break-up, I had a miserable wage, no friends, no girl.

    Since my career seems to be ruined, I started my own business, which is starting to get more and more income, so this might be my salvation, at least in the economic aspect. After that, maybe in 1 or 2 years, I’ll start finding love and new friends.

    But it’s amazing how hard a break-up can be. I am really amazed that they don’t teach you this. Why in school they don’t teach you how harsh it can be? We teach people not to put the fingers in the electricity socket, even though this only hurts for a second.

  2. Stephen Hedger says:

    Dear Andy

    You are so right.

    WHY DON’T THEY TEACH THIS IN SCHOOLS?

    You have hit on a passion of mine. Too many people are trying to fix the problems when wouldn’t it make more sence to understand and educate at the point where the problems start to grow.

    Children are the starting point.

    We create ways to learn how to earn money or how to work for others, but no way of learning how to create successful relationships and successful families.

    How much money do you think it costs the country when a couple splits up? Ian Duncan Smith report from the Telegraph states that officials have calculated the long-term cost of family breakdown, which has been estimated at up to £100 billion when crime, unemployment, lost taxes and other factors are included.

    Education is the key here and the earlier the better.

    Thank you for your comment

    • Thanks for the answer.

      I had not thought about the economic aspect of the break-up for the government, but I had calculated my losses at around $40K, because of the time being unemployed and doing low-wage work to survive. I guess around 20% of those $40K are for the government in taxes…

      And then the money I made my employers lose; having to hire someone new, train him/her, etc.

      And this was only a girlfriend, so I can imagine the costs of divorce are much higher, especially if there are kids present, houses, etc.

      I guess there should be a change fast on the educational system, maybe they can replace some of the stupid classes they have to teach children real important stuff…
      Not necessarily to be good at relationships, but at least to be better at coping with the break-up, I personally had no idea of what a break-up could cause on me.

      Keep it up with the articles! :)

  3. Me alone says:

    It’s exactly how I feel it hurts so much!!! I am doing all the wrong things to move past this break up…. But can’t help it. I want him back…… I feel rejected, alone, lost. Emotions change daily…… Hourly. I am stronger than this… But somehow I am not…. Wanna curl up and just die.