Relationship Master Skill ONE of SEVEN

We all experience the passing of time and notice how our relationships change. Many of us are far too accepting of these changes such as a loss of passion and boredom as the relationship loses it’s spark and you’re left with the daunting thought of year after year together.

These Seven Skills are designed to help you and your partner stop contributing towards a stale relationship where resentment and a lack of respect grows.

  • DO NOT ACCEPT THIS! Take action starting today.

Being understood…

One of the biggest challenges for any couple is if one or both of you don’t feel understood by the other. What this does is trigger many fears that usually result in one or both people in the relationship pulling love away to protect themselves.

  • Do you feel that there are things in your partners life that are more important than you?
  • Do you feel that your partner understands your emotions the ups and downs you go through?
  • Do you feel that your partner is really there for you when you need them?
  • Does your partner feel you are there for them in the way they would like?

Problems can appear out of nowhere when one person in a couple feels that something or someone is more important than them, this happens because this starts to destroy trust and without trust there is no relationship.

Maybe it’s friends, or children, it could be work, or parents, but whatever it is in your relationship if you or your partner do not feel that you or they are the most important thing in each others life you will both go to a place of fear and negatively change how you behave with each other. This destroys the love and the passion and unless you both understand what’s happening fast trouble starts to brew.

This can become a vicious circle that many couples experience.

For example: A couple could experience an escalation of arguments. This could lead her to go to her friends for comfort, to him this makes the friend more important than him and this can be the start of resentment.

Feeling helpless to fix his relationship he could decide to work longer hours because this is where he now feels successful, to her this makes his work more important than her.

The more he works the more she goes to her friends, the more she goes to her friends the more he works.

Of course the friend and work is not more important, but the behaviours start to suggest they are and negative assumptions are made.

One of the biggest skills you can posses in your relationship is the desire to understand your partner and see the world through their eyes, feel what they are feeling and be sympathetic and caring when they need you even if you don’t understand what’s wrong. Just the fact they are experiencing hurt or pain is enough and will prove your love and commitment to them.

By putting them first you are taking 100% responsibility for you, them and the relationship.

This first step will start to bring you and your partner to a far deeper connection as they feel looked after and you start to see the difference you can make in their life.

This creates a relationship that will start to grow again.

  • Look forward to speaking to you in part two please post any questions or comments below.
About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.


  1. You’re 100% correct, because thats the situation where I used to start and where I am now with my husband. Seven months ago when he said that he don’t want us to stay together because he don’t want to stay in this relationship anymore. And he says the reasons was we don’t have good chemistry when were talking to each other its always ends up on argument. He already says no to our relationship and were still living together not normal couple with 3 kids. how can I do this master skill one?

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      Dear Marcia

      Thank you for your comment…

      Currently life for your husband is not how it should be and for some reason he feels that he will be unsuccessful in this relationship.

      The result of all this is he has shut down on the relationship becuase he cannot see a future where he can be come successful.

      The question is why? This could be nothing to do with you, this could be a problem from his childhood or previous relationships.

      The way to master skill one is to fearlessly become the best partner you can become fast and start giving your love.

      Of course this cannot go on forever, but at least you are being true to you and the giving of love will feel good.

      If you love is thrown back at you and is not valued then you can assume his intention is to hurt you and maybe the relationship needs to be looked by a professional.

      You really need to decide today who you want to be and be that person and don’t change you to fit in with him. If you are a loving person be that.

      After all this will create a far more attractive you and he may start to see the future differently.

      Please let us know how you get on…

      Kind regards

      Stephen Hedger

  2. Kim Jones says:

    I can relate to everything you said, me and my partner always seem to argue. He works over time on the weekends which is the only time we get to spend with each other as we both work during the week. When we are together, we constantly argue over petty things. The arguing is starting to put a strain onto our relationship. We have tried to work out the problem but still we don’t know what the problem is.

    • Stephen Hedger says:

      Dear Kim

      The arguements are not the problem there is a fear in one or both of you regarding this relationship.

      The fear may not be true, but it can feel very real. This can be a fear that either of you are aware of, or one that gets created automatically.

      Either way what has to happen is the fear needs to be understood and respected.

      Common fears in couples are fear of not being loved, fear of not being enough, fear of not being able to please your partner, fear taht life is not going to be the way you want it to be.

      Does any of this fit for you?

  3. hi, this is how problems had started between me and my partner, he thought i was putting my friends before him and i thought he wasn’t giving me the sort of time and attention i needed. However this caused further bigger issues. i began to distrust his word and asked for time apart which hr wouldn’t give me as a consequence i broke up with him whilst on holiday without letting him know clearly and cheated. Now we are trying to work things out but we don’t know how to put the past behind us and although i had only kissed another person, i am finding it impossible to believe that nothing more happened.