All marriages will have problems, what’s important is how you both deal with those problems. Many couples are not seeing they are heading for a divorce until it’s far too late.
As you scan through the list below the couples I see who are all in crisis have all communicated a combination of the problems below.
So this is a heads up on some of what’s important to be focused on as a sign that changes are needed to rebuild the relationship so it lasts.
No emotional connection
If you don’t have the emotional connection you think you should have, then you have a gap in your relationship that will create emotional pain. If you don’t know how to close that gap then the pain will start to go deeper.
If problems are buried
Couples who bury their problems can end up with a ticking time bomb in their relationship. If a person deals with their relationship problems by protecting themselves from their partner it causes serious problems because you can’t protect yourself from your partner and love them at the same time.
If a person practises protection long-term the person can feel that their love has died for their partner permanently
If a person keeps their problems inside
If a person keeps their problems inside, it’s a real sign that they don’t feel safe enough to share their challenges with their partner.
If you find yourself going round in circles with problems
If you find you are going round in circles then the problem you think you have is not the real problem, there is going to be a much deeper challenge in the relationship. If you keep focused on the wrong problem one person will give up or shut down.
If a person seems to have changed behaviour / identity
Serious relationship problems have the habit of changing how a person feels and this can change their behaviours. Certain situations can trigger a person to cope with a situation that doesn’t feel right. The person can find a destructive solution to their problem(s) and this will become part of their new pattern or behaviour(s).
If a person becomes absorbed with just one part of their life
People with relationship problems can find themselves very focused on other parts of their life to rebalance the needs that are not being met in the relationship. For example: men can work longer hours than they need to, women can get all their love from their children this can also happen in reverse.
If one or both people don’t feel like they are the most important part of their partners life
When just one person in the relationship feels they are not number one in their partners life they can feel insignificant and just this feeling alone will hit deep into the heart of almost any person.
Every one of these challenges in isolation can cause problems, but it’s like that many of these can stack up to put your relationship into a state of suffering.
From this place individuals can empty emotionally and so they have very little left to give a relationship that is starving to be fed.
About Stephen Hedger
