So many couples are suffering in a marriage that doesn’t work for them because they don’t have the knowledge or skills needed to keep their connection alive.
It’s true keeping a passionate relationship for life is complex but it’s made significantly harder if trial and error is the model.
We do NOT have natural skills for keeping passion and love alive in a relationship this is why so many are suffering.
So couples need new information so they can effectively navigate the natural problems all couples experience.
To achieve this, there has to be a mindset shift to see a new way forward. The reason so many couples are suffering is that they are in emotional states that keep leading them to the same destructive patterns.
These destructive patterns need to be interrupted and replaced.
In today’s post, I’m going to talk about what I see and what couples/individuals can do to get out of this painful situation.
Below are some typical scenarios
- Some are suffering because they have lost their feelings/love for their partner they don’t want to leave/break up the family but know they can’t sustain this state so they want to see why the love has died and can it come back.
- Others are stuck because they don’t know what to do for the best. Staying or leaving doesn’t feel right for these people. They had suffered for a while their mind tells them they probably should have gone years before but didn’t and now they don’t know what to do.
- Some are stuck at the end of their road because they have children. These people freely admit without the kids they would have just parted, but they are willing to explore the marriage because they’re concerned their divorce will damage their children’s’ lives.
- Some are suffering because their partner has checked out but hasn’t left and won’t attend meetings with a professional so they attend alone to get guidance to take back control so they can make the right decision moving forward. Their next step could be to take action to fix it alone or leave the marriage.
- Many couples are suffering due to a loss of passion for one person. This is going to stress the relationship as they now have conflicting needs and no visible solution. This can make the marriage vulnerable to distorted power plays and of course the potential of infidelity.
The reason all these couples are struggling is that they have without knowing developed a pattern that has broken their (once good) connection with each other and then got stuck in another pattern that over time erodes their relationship until something happens to wake both people up to a serious issue.
Some couples suffer from affairs, and many suffer from loss of connection, and so they live as workers and mums and dads completely losing how to be a husband and a wife.
Essentially their patterns have put them in the most resourceless positions, and this alone helps each person feel terrible about themselves which they attach to the relationship and each other.
It is, of course, ridiculous to assume that I’m suggesting all couples problems can be fixed. Some couples are not a good fit, and they would be better suited with a new relationship or some time on their own BUT…
…my message to all couples is before you split up a family or make a decision that you could regret (so many do) it’s essential to find out why your connection broke and what’s possible for you.
Taking the step to leave a marriage without really understanding why the marriage is in trouble will leave the person vulnerable to making the same/similar mistakes with someone new.
The problems for most people is they really don’t know what to do because they don’t know how to translate what is going on in three areas. The relationship, their partners’ mind and for many they don’t have a great connection with themselves.
For so many couples this leads them to start protecting themselves from each other unaware that this is the path to resentment, detachment and for many divorce.
Couples that should be together but are stuck in this pattern of self-protection are helped to understand why their relationship is broken how they have both contributed to it.
They are then helped to learn new ways to connect communicate and hear each other so they can rebuild trust in a way that makes them valuable to each other again.
What underpins all this knowledge is the critical skill of keeping their attraction for each other alive for life.
The mission is to make their relationship bulletproof so they both have all the tools to deal with any problem as a team. This is done whilst they helped to build a future that’s exciting and purposeful.
Couples from all over the world are attending these programs to discover how to get out of their own personal hell and into a place that’s a win-win for both people.
About Stephen Hedger
