What is a man designed to do? He is designed to be physically strong make firm decisions, breakthrough challenges and take action to solve or fix problems.
When he is in this space he feels great about himself and ironically this is what many women want their men to be like.
You see many women are surprised in my couples session when we discuss how our needs are met.
Women in relationship crisis will have needs missing. They feel the trust has gone and they usually feel less certain about their future.
As the female speaks about what he has to do to fulfill her needs she will be creating the actions she knows will help her to feel safe in the relationship again.
The surprise for her happens when he communicates what she has to do for him to feel more certain in the relationship.
9 times out of ten the man will be initially confused because he will be trying to think about what she can give to him. He is confused because he wants something, but it’s not initially clear to him what it is.
- Then the penny drops all he wants to know is: If I give to you, am I being successful?
If the man feels he can’t be or isn’t successful with his partner he eventually gives up.
This is why so many couples have problems. Not only do male and female have different needs, but the way their needs are met also has a significant impact on the relationship.
The man feels more of a man when he is active with her, however if she likes to be in control he will quickly let her to please her and it’s easy for him, but if she does take the lead he will lose interest in her sexually as a result.
Men feel far better when they are pursuing, taking charge and breaking through. This is why work/business for men feels so good, this what they do all day.
So when wives hand them divorce papers the man who never wanted relationship help now spends every waking hour trying to solve that problem.
Most women are confused at this point because she thought he didn’t care. He did care he just wasn’t clear on how to be successful with her so he became passive to please her.
The more passive he became the more active she became, she resented having to do everything.
The relationship no longer meets their needs and so they use outside interests to fill themselves up and the relationship dies.