“I never thought he would leave me.” “I can’t believe she just left” “I never knew things were this bad” These are the real messages I hear from people who ignored their partners cries for help and regretted it.
What couples who are struggling are not connecting with is they are in step-by-step process and if they take action now they can stop a marital disaster.
Today I’m going to help you understand it’s important to learn where you are so you can get real about your relationship and do something about it.
Below are the stages couples are going through without knowing. It’s important to understand where each of you is in this process.
Stage 1: Attraction – Love being together
Stage 2: Resistance – Problems starting to surface
Stage 3: Resentment – Problems not resolved
Stage 4: Detachment – Emotion protection
Stage 5: Decision – Position designed to take back control
Stage 6: Separation – Physical separation/Divorce
Before a couple gets to Stage 6: Separation one person will have been resentful for a while and might have given up on some level. This can lead them to begin emotionally detaching which can take usually up to two years before they need to separate.
So it’s critical to hear someone if they are struggling in the marriage because if they don’t feel heard, looked after or understood the process will just march on – like it or not.
Without an intervention the stage 4. Detachment is likely to lead a person to stage 5. Decision this must be avoided as it’s the most destructive stage of the marriage.
Stage 5. Decisions this is VERY powerful and one of the most challenging situations to engage the person back into the marriage. This is because their decision would have ended their long-term suffering and to ask them to go back into their suffering is not going to be easy and for some impossible.
So if you are struggling with your marriage please hear this message – there is a window before the decision stage that is your chance to reverse this well-trodden path to divorce by thousands of couples every year.
If you honestly embrace the reality of where you both are today then for so many couples it’s totally possible to reverse this process and bring them to a position of Stage 1. Attraction which is the goal for a couple looking for lasting solutions.
Attraction in this context is achieved for so many couples by helping them build a brand new relationship where both people are helped to become massively valuable to each other whilst keeping the true essence of who they really are as people.
Essentially couples are supported to build solid foundations that can sustain their relationship through the natural ups and downs of life.
Thankfully I do see many couples who are smart, they don’t bury their heads they take action to learn how to protect their relationship and be good role models for their family.
They know they are suffering and they do take action to learn how to become successfully married.
The faster couples take action the less work they are going to need to get their relationship back on track.
My advice for couples who are struggling is you must learn some key skills to navigate your marriage and those skills are not going to be skills you’ll naturally know.
This is why couples struggle to solve their problems. In their quest to fix their problems they usually make it far worse without meaning to.
All these skills are available to you right now if you’re passionate enough to learn.
About Stephen Hedger
