When did you and I stop being us?

She sat hands clasped, lacking in confidence and underweight through worry.  I was exploring with her what their relationship was like in the first year. She was suffering from fears created by a traumatic past that needed understanding and removing, so I had invited her for a one-on-one session with me.

As she started to tell the stories of what they used to do, how they used to play together, do daft things in public, her face starting to light up and she smiled as she relived those moments where she was happy, clearly connected to her true feminine self.

As she drifted into that world that filled her with joy, startled she broke her own trance, hand over her mouth she gasped…

“We don’t do that stuff anymore!”

“Our lives have become boring”

“I have become boring”

“I have been so focused on keeping us/me safe and worried if I could trust my husband, worried if he loved me? I have lost sight of what really created our relationship and that’s us being who we really are.”

“We have lost that! We have lost us!”

“I’m not being me!”

This understanding is the breakthrough we were after. She thought that her focus on trust and security would keep her safe, but all it did was focus her on what’s wrong in her life. The more she focused on what was wrong the more she found to worry about. This worry was killing the relationship and he was at a loss of what to do.

She wasn’t designed her to be full of fear, she was designed for happiness, growth and fulfilment.

She started to see there was no chance of happiness happening with her life full of fear.

She started to learn that when she took responsibility for her own life and focused her energy into what would create growth for her and her husband.

She could put her passion back in to reclaiming who she really was. From this place she could now see her future, a future she couldn’t before and her feeling of depression lifted.

This couple had spent 6 years splitting up getting back together always coming back to each other. They couldn’t live with each other and they couldn’t live a part.

They were trapped, both full of fear.

Today the story is very different, now they are planning/designing their future. They have both reconnected with themselves and each other. The finger pointing, blame, assumptions and judgments have all gone.

Fear has been replaced with excitement and even though fearful thoughts still enter the relationship they now work together to support each other.

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About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.