Why do couples grow apart?

One fundamental reason is this: Women will marry the man she feels he can become, so she expects him to change and grow into that person. Men on the other hand marry the woman he wanted and so he doesn’t expect or want her to change.

This of course is going to create a significant challenge because every day they will be moving further and further apart from each other without knowing the possible expectations.

At the point of relationship breakdown women will explain their disappointment in their partner using words like “he has become someone I don’t recognise”. The men complain “she is negative and nagging” this is not who he married.

Both will agree their partner has changed, she just wants him to be the man she hoped he would become and he wants her to be the girl he met, but neither of them are aware of this goal.

He may not know who she expects him to become, and she has no idea that he doesn’t want her to change from who she was when she met.

As the years pass if the couples expectation of each other is not met, or understood, a negative perception will start to affect the relationship resulting in problems.

Change is just a part of life, nothing stays the same, so the question is this: Are you going to design the change or is life going to just happen to you?

The change that’s needed is a constant sharing and learning of what each other needs and is about knowing the life condition is meeting the expectation. Is the expectation reasonable or even possible?

If the couple are able to bring honestly to the table and learn about each other creating and designing an expectation with a sound knowledge of the core differences between men and women.

Then the couple will start to become united in their vision for the future and their roles in it.

In essence they become a team celebrating their journey through life.

About Stephen Hedger

International relationship expert Stephen Hedger's philosophy on relationship problems is this: Couples fail to understand their relationships because they are too focused on their problems and so they totally miss what created them. Stephen's approach is a refreshing and enlightening journey that helps couples uncover their truth. His strategies uncover the knowledge that all couples need to create a successful and lasting passionate connection. If you are in crisis and you need help, book an initial consultation today to get your life back on track.