So many women on the brink of a relationship breakdown want to know why their husband / boyfriend seems to have given up. Those whose husbands/boyfriends have left them are confused and are left with the question… WHY?
Why did he leave? Or why has he given up, or stopped trying? Why did he never speak about his feelings?
The reason any man wants to leave a relationship is because he feels he has done all he can to get his partner to be happy. He may also feel that he is not enough for her, but either way it is a feeling of failure on some level and a feeling that if he stays with her his life will never be how he wants it to be.
One of the hardest concepts to get across to women, especially ones who are having a bad time with their partner is that the man is hard-wired to please his partner. He will do this with great enthusiasm is the early day of the relationship. Then as it always does something goes wrong and he sees that it is possible not to please her all the time.
If he feels he has stopped pleasing her, or has stopped feeling good about himself when he is around her, he will see this as a massive personal failure, to painful to talk about.
If this goes on for long enough he will have a powerful urge to leave.
Many couples come to my session with exactly this kind of problem, and the couple learn with me how different each others needs are, and how the communication is so very different between men and women. This confusion of meanings to situations based on gender can cause problems as the couple fail to appreciate each others unique perspective.
Confusion usually creates fear and fear usually results in the couple, pulling love away, judging each other, resenting and disrespecting each other.
None of this is growth or love orientated.
The woman will of course feel very unsafe in this relationship and the man will see this as a no hope situation.
On going conflict either arguments or passive aggression will then become the couples pattern and so leave the couple with clear proof the relationship is doomed.
- Remember: Your meanings to any situation are constantly creating your emotional responses to your world. How do you know your meanings both conscious and subconscious are true? If you don’t then you could be living in reaction to the world, including your partner. If this is true you are likely to be totally out of control of your emotional states. This is very likely to cause you both problems, especially if you are both doing this.
BTW most couples that have problems are…
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