I see all relationships as the most valuable part of the human experience and I know those people who have chosen to work with me feel the same.
I know if I were speaking from the children’s perspectives they would give us a very clear message of how valuable it is to have their real mum and a dad in their lives.
When you look at the end of a couples relationship the law has a very clear perspective of how to see the value of your relationship broken down in monetary terms.
But all this focus on the money you will lose doesn’t take into account the emotional impact on all those involved. If children are part of a couples life the impact a divorce can have on them in later life is far greater than many know (which most parents are not aware of).
Then there is the expense of starting over again. Settling into a new life and finding a new partner.
- Some people become so traumatised by the failure of their marriage they struggle to trust again.
- Some get remarried. They walk into a new relationship looking for someone who was the total opposite of their last partner only to discover that what they loved about them initially they hate today.
- Some do find genuine love only to discover the same problems appearing and they wonder if it’s them?
- The lucky ones do find love, but they are lucky because the percentage of couples that experience a lasting passionate relationship where they both agree they can be all of who they are with each other is small.
My perspective on the world is very unique, I see many couples and they all share a similar problem, they waited far too long to get help.
They thought they could work it out, they hoped the problems would just go away.
This strategy is so risky.
I will share my perspective and see if you think it makes sense.
Couples are creating families and building lives, but with no understanding of how to sustain it. Men and women are not understanding each other well enough and so what they do and say creates confusion for each other.
They don’t plan their future together, they don’t understand how to meet or communicate each others needs.
Many end up spending more time with their work, interests, friends, children and very little time with each other.
All this leads to detachment, resentments, loss of trust, no desire to meet each others needs.
The frustration is so many people in relationships only see the value in it when they are about to lose it.
Some people come for help ashamed they couldn’t get it to work, or express they can’t believe they need help.
My message is how would you just know?
Building a relationship that is lasting and passionate takes skill and understanding. We are not born with those skills and most parents don’t teach the skills because they don’t know either.
Relationships don’t just magically work and falling in love is not enough to create a marriage that lasts for years.
So my message to you whatever your situation. Please learn the skills.
- You could be just about to get married.
- You could be planning your escape from your marriage.
- You could be OK but it could be better.
- You could have been through a bad patch, it seems better now, but your not sure why.
So what is your marriage or relationship really worth to you? Are you going to keep crossing your fingers, or are you going to take action today?
About Stephen Hedger
