So I’m working with this couple, and a few things struck me about this woman.
She was more than fed up with her marriage, she didn’t want it to end, but she had felt in a dark place for so long she had almost given up hope.
She was in the position many women find themselves in.
They are unhappy, have intermittent dark moods and self-protecting from her husband reactions to her.
She didn’t know what she needed to connect to get her out of this dark place.
She also didn’t know how to teach her partner what to do to help her.
She was accepting the disconnect as to where they were but miserable with it.
It all seemed so hopeless.
So as we chatted, I could see she had four problems she was unaware of.
The 4 shifts
1. She had beliefs around relationships that would naturally scare her, and she was convinced her beliefs were facts – those had to be corrected.
2. She had no idea that her husband naturally doesn’t think and connect the same as she does – she had no idea he was so different so her expectations had to be reset.
3. She had no idea how to get the best out of her husband, she kept triggering him to be the worse of him – she thought this is who he was.
4. She didn’t know how to help her husband help her – he would do anything to fix the problems, if she didn’t know what she needed there was no way he would.
The combination of these 4 factors was making them both miserable.
To be clear, I was helping the husband with similar challenges so he could support her.
Left to their own thinking and their limited knowledge, they agreed they would have divorced.
Understanding how to make these critical shifts enabled them to reconnect in new ways.
This process is like a marital reset.
It not only brings reconnection and a rebuilding of trust, it also brings new energy that enables the couple to experience the truth of their relationship.