If you translate your partners behaviours to be bad yet you miss their true intent which was actually good who in the moment has caused the relationship stress?
This situation is practiced by so many couples and they simply can’t see it. As a result they will cycle through blame, frustration, anger, sadness and potential detachment. The problem this situation creates is when we feel someone has done us a wrong and it hurts us we will remember it and hold on to it.
So when the person who says they love you has hurt you and it happens again and again we go on red alert. You see not being loved in the way we need has so much pain attached to it, many of us will avoid that feeling at all costs, so the result is we will move to protect ourselves.
This means we are looking for what’s wrong instead of looking for our partners intent.
Emotional maturity in a person is reflected by their ability to search out the true meaning behind a persons words or actions before they react.
Emotional immaturity is reflected by the person who can only see their own perspective, they live in reaction to what others do and say as a reflex, they are emotionally out of control.
They don’t stop to think and ask questions before they react and can cripple a relationship they actually want to keep.
Worse still this person is going to be reacting and getting upset by thoughts and meanings they created only to then blame others for the upset they created.
Couples that live in reaction to each other always struggle, because they are triggering habits and poor emotional states that will always lead them to serious problems.
Think about it, if a child in a play ground hits another child what do you expect to happen next? The child that’s been hit will automatically retaliate and hit back. This is what children do.
Many adults have not grown out of the pattern, you hurt me, so I’m going to hurt you.
I can tell you now that punishing your partner will only go one way and it’s not the way to keep your relationship.
It’s very challenging to create a successful relationship if a person can’t master their own emotional responses, because this person is always going to be focused on themselves.
As soon as an individual is focused on themselves this is what will lead the relationship to disaster.
If a person can master their own emotional responses and learn how to understand their partner then this couple has an amazing chance of the future they once hoped for.
Understanding this is not as hard as you may think, if you want to learn how give us a call.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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