Many couples are suffering from a mirroring pattern that disables their ability to grow together.
The mirroring pattern happens when one person becomes upset or angry for some reason and then the mirroring pattern is triggered in the other person.
Their partner then becomes upset or angry at them, for being upset and so they never get to deal with the original issue.
This problem means either the couple will endlessly cycle through the what about what you did to me type of conversation, which is guaranteed to kill their connection.
Or to avoid this destructive pattern…
…one person will eventually stop being honest about their feelings because there is no point and this can eventually lead to resentment and emotional detachment.
Either way the pattern does not work.
In relationships upset is going to happen and will be part of a couple’s connection like it or not, but if a person cannot have an upset independently and that upset healed, that couple will be in an unhealthy dynamic.
This pattern must be broken for the relationship to ever grow.
Mirroring pattern is about control
This mirroring pattern is about the mirrored person trying to control their partner’s upset, they can become being defensive, or they will use force through anger and aggression to stop their partner from being upset, this is guaranteed to create more distance.
Some through their own resentment will feel justified because of their own past challenges either from the relationship or past problems, for some pattern from childhood can be the cause.
Whatever the cause of the pattern it must stop or the couples connection will not grow as it needs to.
Please note: If your upset does not end in more security, more love, and more connection then the pattern you are in is corrosive.
Are you in this kind of pattern?
Would you like help to reconfigure this mirrored pattern?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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