So one of the statements I hear a lot is “yes I know that”. This happens after I communicate an important area of focus for that person and the person keeps responding “yes I know that”!
The “yes I know that” person generally wants you to move on quickly because they think they know it all, so let’s not labor it, tell me something I don’t know.
I have to pull them back to what they are not seeing.
You see many people are using their “reactive fast brain” to make sense of their world and this isn’t helping them explore what they don’t initially see.
Just because you can’t see it doesn’t mean it’s not there
This is the concept of what I think I know really isn’t enough to support myself and my relationship.
Being blind to their reality can help a person make terrible life decisions divorce regret being one of them.
People have to understand what they know, isn’t all there is. This a big problem for people who are successful in other areas of their life.
They have the ability to transfer that confidence to parts of their life they have no natural connection to.
One example is the world their partner lives in, all the intelligence in the world doesn’t naturally create that knowledge.
So if they have all the answers why is their partner so unhappy?
The person that knows it all can now only blame their partner for being the problem.
This perspective will only magnify their problems.
Plus the next problem they are not seeing is “knowing it” isn’t where the power sits.
Knowledge isn’t power, taking action is the power.
Anyone can talk a good story, but can they walk the talk.
So if a person knows it, why are they not taking action on it, or doing it?
That’s the real question.
When someone keeps telling me “yes I know that” and I can see very clearly what they say they know isn’t being actioned in their marriage the question of why is it not happening is where we go next.
So either they think they know, but they really they don’t.
Or…
They know it, but don’t see the importance of taking action on it.
Either way without the appropriate action taking place the person will stay stuck in their problems.
This is why slowing down our thinking and looking at what’s really going with the right information and perspective can reveal the hidden truths that will be the difference that makes the difference for that person.
It’s like the saying we all know “an apple a day will keep the doctor away”!
“Yes, yes I know that” many will say, but are they taking action and eating an apple a day?
Research tells us this simple act of an apple a day is hugely beneficial to our health.
We all know this and it’s easy to do, but it’s also easy to not do and this is the problem so many experience.
Just because I can’t see the logic doesn’t mean it isn’t there
So just because a partners’ actions and their behaviour doesn’t seem logical does it mean there is no logic in what they are doing?
Of course not, it just a logic they are not connected to.
Understanding helps people to make sense of this previously misunderstood logic and now they can support instead of judge.
Once people understand each other perspectives only then do they know it.
Then taking action then becomes a choice and that’s the key.
The key here is creating the right understanding and then using that knowledge to be of value.
So many think they understand but really don’t, yet are still convinced they are right.
Some understand, but don’t see why it’s important because they are looking from their own perspective.
Some know they don’t understand, but are looking for answers.
The acid test is this: Are your actions making your partner happy? If they are not then the chances are this is the knowledge you are missing.
To really understand your partner and what they need you have to remove your own perspectives and emotional filters and replace them with theirs.
Only then will you start to get close to what they are experiencing.
Your partner is not like you at all so is it little wonder why so many are disconnected and upset?
Until a person can connect to their partners world what is the point of their connection?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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