What if your thoughts are not you? Have you ever considered this? Well many years ago this was news to me!
This was not something I would have ever considered, but the impact is far to powerful to ignore so I wanted to share this with you today.
In todays post we are looking at the cost of not understanding this critical piece of knowledge that for many is challenging to understand.
What if these automatic thoughts we all have are not you and they are ruining your life?
This is happening to a lot of people.
Essential a thought happens and in many cases the thought isn’t challenged because the person with the thought has identified with the content of the thought.
What’s wrong with that you may ask well here are two stories explaining the problem.
She didn’t know her thoughts were not her and look what happened
This lady who had thoughts her new husband would have affairs, this thought automatically descended on her wedding day of all days!
She didn’t make it happen it just appeared and it shocked and really upset her.
She quickly identified with those thoughts because her father had lots of affairs, she saw the terrible pain her mother went through and that wasn’t ever going to happen to her.
Both those thoughts were not hers they were automatic fears trying to protect her, we all have these.
Remember these thoughts are not of her choosing but she related to them very quickly.
The moment they came into her focus, she instantly identified with them and they became a part of her.
This process gave this destructive thought immense power.
So she made a decision she must protect herself from her husband.
She never questioned the thought and this thought made her withdraw from him.
Eleven years later he did have an affair, but it was only because he never felt loved by her.
She was too fearful to love him because it wasn’t safe because of those thoughts years before.
If she had challenged the thought(s) it’s highly likely she could have identified with a different and more empowering message that would free her to love her husband.
That chosen thought would have been a far better way to protect everyone.
Many people run this pattern of unchallenged thinking unaware is leading them to an unsafe withdrawal pattern.
It’s unsafe because they are not in control of their own lives, it creates a ticking bomb in their partner.
The irony of how fears work is the focus on avoiding them is usually what creates them.
Which thought should I buy?
It’s so important to work out which thought you should buy and which thoughts you should reject.
What we usually find is the more destructive the thoughts you feed your mind the more fears you will grow.
Fears like to take hold of people without them knowing. Many people will tell me they don’t fear anything yet it’s easy to see fear is their driving force.
Many people are then having thoughts that overwhelm them and they don’t know how to stop them?
Helping them to see these thoughts and then know those thoughts are not them is a first step to helping them.
She will never love me!
One gentleman descended into hopelessness in a session when he told us his wife would never love him.
He was in a victim pattern, he used this for years to get attention, but it was destructive attention as it was destroying their marriage.
Imagine if that thought “his wife would never love him” was never challenged what is he likely to do?
So I had to interrupt his pattern and redirect him into a more empowered emotional state.
I asked him to write those thoughts on a board and to stand back.
This allowed him to see the words and analyse them rather than just blindly accept them and move on.
“Is that true…” I asked him. “…is it true your wife will never love you”?
With a huge sigh he said “No”!
I then asked him “Can you write what is true”?
He then wrote “My wife can’t love me whilst I’m this way”
When we challenged his thinking he discovered a choice and this was his first step to changing the victim pattern that was destroying their lives.
Thoughts are powerful and each person has a personal responsibility to pattern their thinking so it takes them to the life they want.
What will you identify with
Just imagine someone said you would never be successful.
You have a choice to reject this message as use it to fire yourself and drive you towards success or you could blindly accept it and give up.
Remember your thinking is your own responsibility and what you buy and what you don’t will craft your life direction.
Look at this, how many people are buying unchallenged thoughts that are leading them to divorce their partner only to regret that very decision months and years later?
The answer is far too many.
Too many people are sat in a life they are not happy with. It’s only getting the thinking right is what will change this safely.
Remember the only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the way they think.
Successful people have rejected the thinking that leads them away from their fears and have embraced the thinking that leads them toward what they want with courage.
Any kind of growth takes “real courage” which is why so many fail.
Many people won’t change their thinking until the pain of their old thinking becomes unbearable and it’s only at that point will they reject their old ways.
Unsuccessful people are running away from their fears under the illusion they are heading towards pleasure.
They are totally unaware they are living with their fears every day.
That constant fear energy in someone is paralysing for any kind of success.
So getting your thinking right must be your number one goal if you are interesting in creating a great life.
So if you have had enough of the feelings you have been having about your life, maybe it’s your time time to face your fears and go after your success.
Remember your thoughts are not you and they must not hold you back.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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