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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Anyone that marries will have trouble!

No one has a trouble-free marriage. The objective is to get the formula right and stack the odds so you have more pleasure than pain more often.

To achieve this, it means learning why you are different and setting your expectations correctly.

So this means we should expect trouble but understand how to turn that trouble into pleasure as quickly as possible.

You see, most people only know how to create more trouble from their troubles, and this is because their knowledge and their expectations are set incorrectly.

This generally creates a self-protective energy, and now they are part of what’s making it worse whilst complaining that it’s worse.

Trouble-free marriages simply don’t exist, and for those interested to learn your problems are there for a reason, you are just missing the message.

You see, you cannot put two people together who think differently with very different needs, totally different routes to gaining personal happiness in a marriage for life and expect no problems.

The problems are not the issue. I know some people think they shouldn’t have problems, but this is unrealistic; To be honest, I’m surprised if there are no problems in my own life.

The key to success is not to have no problems. The key is knowing what to do when they show up; that way, you won’t fear them.

So the real problem most couples face is how they manage their problems.

I do have some people that tell me they never argue, and they do seem proud of it.

But my instant question is, what’s your sex life like and the answer is always the same – “it’s dead”!

So you can’t deal with problems in a way that creates more problems.

So when a woman is upset, many men think the solution is to walk off so she can calm down.

Him walking off will only make her more upset; if he keeps walking off, she will build a profile of who he is – uncaring, unloving etc.

Over time that builds resentment, and resentments will create detachments.

Many women will say the same thing over and over to try and get through to him. 

She is doing this without understanding it’s the fastest way to ensure he will switch off and hear none of what she is saying.

All he will hear or learn is how irritating she is and build that profile of her; he can then build resentments, which also leads to detachment.

The complication with these generalisations is that they describe a trend of a majority, but there are always exceptions.

So men and women can swap these trends.

This is why when helping couples, I have to understand the trend swaps they do, as it’s common for couples to swap simultaneously.

This complication can compound their problems as men and women swap and change their masculine and feminine patterns depending on the topic or situation.

Our differences are bigger than we think

So we hope for no problems in our marriage, but we don’t understand we both have very different communication patterns.

We have very different needs, we may share similar values systems but with different rule structures – who knew that?

We don’t process any moment the same, and each person’s routes to sexual connection are very different, almost opposite to their partner.

Plus, our problem-solving strategies are very different, so how can we ever become a team?

Couples have far more differences than they are aware of, and yet many set their expectations of their partner to be the same as themselves.

They then wonder why CONNECTION is a problem.

This year many couples on the edge of divorce have spent time understanding these differences and found their way back to a connection that makes sense to both people again.

Many people come to me on their own, wanting the best strategy to help their partner back into the marriage without them ever attending.

Many of these people are successful because they have learnt how to bring out the best in themselves and their partners.

So for those wanting to learn the fastest way to reconnect and powerful strategies for helping your partner reinvest no matter what has happened, there is a route to success for you.

That route is understanding so you can comprehend what’s going on, so you know what to say and do that will gain a positive impact for you both.

Applying the correct strategy to any situation is the real key to success, and every couple I meet will require a unique strategy, there is no one size fits all.

Not one couple working with me has the same process for reinvestment because everyone is unique, and so is their connection.

If you are new to this blog, many people are sharing their experiences here.

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

Recent Posts

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  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

Categories

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  • Stop & Never – Mini Posts
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Primary Sidebar

I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

Popular Posts

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Head Office
10 Harley Street
London
W1G 9PF

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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  • About
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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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