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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Are Arguments a Good or a Bad Sign?

Many couples come for help because she thought he didn’t care, she had stopped arguing because she wasn’t getting through. He knew she was unhappy, but now she had stopped shouting and she has been quiet for a while she must be feeling better…

This is a dangerous place for couples because if all is quiet, he thinks all is well… Of course it isn’t.

From time-to-time everyone expects to argue. After all we are all different, we see the world differently and we can misunderstand each other especially when tired, ill or lacking in resources. In most cases arguments are very normal part of all relationships…

Couples usually start to get concerned when the arguments tend to escalate and they start to feel that the relationship is more a about conflict than about fun, love and passion.

At this point they usually start to feel bad about themselves when they are with their partners and look for way to feel better.

Some will escape internally, some will escape to friends, hobbies, work some will try to please their partner to undo the argument.

Whatever route the person takes will be their usual method of dealing with fearful situations learnt years before.

The two problems that now come out of arguments are the perception of what they mean.

  1. Anger and frustration is a fear response. The person getting angry is fearful of what that situation means to them. Could be the loss of the relationship, rejection, worthlessness. Each of us has fears that will trigger our anger.
  2. The second misunderstanding is if someone is shouting at you they are reaching out to you, they are communicating to you because they are in pain they want your help to stop their pain.
  3. Arguments are also a sign of passion

I am always concerned of the couples that proudly tell me they don’t argue. I am concerned because the chances of their sex life being passionate and active are slim.

So in essence arguments are good for relationships, but they become destructive when they become prolonged as the couple reach out to each other, but get ignored.

What now happens is the couple stop arguing because there is no point. They know they won’t be heard.

This is the most dangerous place for any relationship, especially if the female is unhappy, but says nothing. This is because for the man quiet equals harmony and all is well.

If the man shuts down the woman know their is a problem, but when he shuts down the chances are he is convinced he can’t be successful and all his fears are triggered and attached to the relationship.

Some men become stuck in no mans land shut down not wanting to totally leave the relationship, but are too afraid to get it back.

So the goal is not to stop the arguments, because they are a sign of passion, but if you could redirect that passion back into the bedroom and into your lives together then you would both feel much better.

  • So seek help if the arguments are escalating and you don’t know what to do.
  • Seek help if you used to argue, you don’t now and the passion has died.
  • Seek help if you partner tells you the relationship is over because of the arguments. The chances are it’s a misunderstanding of meaning connected to caring and love.

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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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About Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger is known as the most sought after marriage in crisis specialist in the UK. He is famous for consistently and naturally saving many marriages from divorce. He is a favourite of business leaders, business owners, Judges and celebrities.

Stephen runs his meetings from his office in Harley Street London and supports his global clients over Zoom.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “STOP making YOUR partners upset about YOU!”
  • “Never try to change your partner”
  • Retired couple in crisis “We should know better at our age!”
  • “He wants to leave the marriage”
  • Never make anything more important than your partner – Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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