If you have been following past posts you will know how challenging it is to deal with hidden challenges in the relationship. Today I’m going to uncover another hidden problem that’s so important to learn.
One of the challenges all couples face is both people in the relationship have created patterns of behaviour without knowing.
This has two effects, either their patterns have lead them to a loving, connected passionate life together, or their patterns have lead them to feel disconnected from each other.
What’s great about any pattern is it can be quickly changed. So the person with a pattern that is damaging their relationship is not hardwired to repeat their pattern, even though they do it without thought.
Our patterns are created through our life experiences and for the most they happen without conscious thought. This gives the illusion that the pattern is part of their identity.
It maybe that the pattern they act out was created many years before to cope with a specific situation and is no longer appropriate for the challenges the person faces today. Or the person has learnt their pattern after it was handed to them and then adopted by a key influencer in their life (e.g. mother or father).
The goal for any couple is to create the habits that lead them to a win-win situation for the individuals in the relationship. In other words for a relationship to be successful both people must look after each others emotional states.
A win-lose scenario in the relationship simply means that if one person perceptually wins they actually both lose because the relationship suffers through an individuals victory.
Example of a pattern change: What if the couple were able to have a passionate exchange (some call this an argument) and through it the couple learn more about each other and so the exchange creates more understanding and ends with them both feeling safer and loved.
Wouldn’t that be a better pattern than the one most couples end with after an argument? Most couples in conflict are heading for resentments, disconnection, or worse emotional detachment.
So imagine learning how to create win-win patterns of behaviour no matter what the relationship experiences in the future.
Imagine having the skills to create patterns that build strong foundations where love can grow safely. Imagine having the ability to see a negative pattern in your partner and help them change it to be the way they want it to be.
Without exception we all have this ability, the challenge is most people are not aware it’s possible or how to do it.
One of the keys to taking a couple from destruction and near divorce is interrupting patterns that are leading them to disaster and imbedding new patterns that still fulfils their individual needs yet helps them to meet those needs in constructive ways.
The key to saving a relationship from divorce is training the couple on how to get the best from their marriage by understanding and replacing destructive patterns with ones that grow and reconnect the couple.
This training is available today and is bespoke for each couple. It has to be bespoke because every couple will have different needs and will require a different plan.
So if you want to be trained on how to save and protect your marriage please click the link below.