It is true that not all relationships can or should be saved. Some relationships are in real crisis and need special attention that’s designed to discover if they are really compatible.
The balance of goals is usually different for couples in place i.e. one person wants to save the relationship the other wants to leave. I like to take the pressure off this situation, by focusing on helping them to achieve something good for themselves.
The goal initially becomes a focus on a future of happiness for the individuals regardless of the outcome. The possibility of happiness brings a breath of fresh air to the couple and takes pressure off the person who wants to leave the relationship.
You see if the relationship has been going wrong for a while both people will have changed how they react to each other due to the accumulated fears of an uncertain history together.
They will have tried to make it work, but with no relationship education they will only be trying what they know, and this will be limited. Now they feel they have proof the relationship is over.
In other words “fears” will be making decisions and they usually make bad ones.
So it becomes a real relief for the individuals to create a new goal to focus on creating confidence and happiness within themselves at a time when they are saturated with a focus on getting strong and moving away from pain of all that wrong in their lives.
The initial goal is to align the individuals to create behaviours within them that protect them rather than destroy them. A focus on fear or emotional pain on any level just ends up creating more pain.
So if the relationship is wrong it’s far better if both people in the couple can see that and agree there is more pleasure in them parting. This creates a far better relationship if they have children.
The reason behind this is so the couple can look at the relationship from a new resourceful perspective knowing that whatever happens they will be happy.
It’s far easier to correct a relationship if you feel happier in yourself than trying to fix it whilst focused on all your fears and internal pain.
The process of removing fears within the individuals gives the couple a new perspective that helps them get to a place where there are open to building trust with each other.
If the trust building process is successful then we can focus on the needs of the individuals and how they can support each other.
Helping each other meet critical needs is a critical step to help them rebuild the passion which would have gone many month/years back.
As the couple start to reconnect then we can discover the truth in the goals that might cause problems.
Usually what we discover is now the connection is focused on loving and contributing to each others happiness any goal which pulled them apart no longer seems so attractive.
So “Can My Marriage Be Saved?” the next step is up to you, walking away is easy, but don’t you want to know if you can really trust what you feel?
- Has this struck a chord with you? If so please get in touch today