If someone is going to rely on their feelings to guide their life, wouldn’t it be important to understand how their feelings are actually created?
How can you trust a feeling if you don’t know what you did to create it?
Or more relevant for some, how can a person break up a family or leave a partner they once loved if they don’t know how they created the feeling they are relying on today?
Many people are too focused on blaming others for their feelings but doing this puts them out of control of themselves and their life.
Below are past clients who’s thinking was not safe for them.
When her husband tells her, he’s having an affair and wants to keep the affair partner but not leave her what does she have to think and feel to stay with him for two years of him disappearing each weekend with his lover?
What does this man have to think and feel that creates this behaviour. When his wife goes out with her friends looking “amazing” his words, he feels so insecure that he then goes looking for a one night stand to make himself feel better.
How about the man who discovered the reason he had an affair was because he loved his wife and not because he didn’t. He was convinced the affair was due to him no longer loving his wife, and this feeling would have ended the relationship for the wrong reason.
How about the women that had an affair for four years because she loved her husband so much she couldn’t leave him. But he treated her so badly she couldn’t be herself so she needed the affair as the only way she could connect to her true self and stay with the husband she says loves.
People are creating a process of thinking and feeling that traps them in circles of despair, and they are blind to what’s really happening.
So many people are translating their relationship so badly they create feelings they don’t like within themselves, and they then use that feeling as a sign the relationship is wrong or broken, so they leave.
Many of my clients on the edge of divorce are unaware when they first arrive that what we feel can change instantly. They, of course, all ask for proof as this concept is not widely known or accepted.
Once they see this is actually possible it’s understanding what feeling they would like to change it to.
People have the mindset that change is a long process and is hard. The reason people can take their time to make life changes is that making changes can feel unsafe.
So it’s not the changing that takes the time it’s feeling safe to change is where time is needed, and many people are afraid to make changes because they might lose who they are or become vulnerable in some way.
When changes are needed to help a person live a happier life, the change must connect them to become more of who they really are, this is the only way the change will last.
So a person’s feelings are a complex mix of emotional states, values, needs, history and beliefs; most people are not connected to any of these consciously so they are reactive or out of control of how their mind translates their situation.
When you look at how a person is reactively using all those tools to distort their life view, we can see how they are creating behaviours that tie them in knots.
This is critically important to know if you want to be successful.
Empowering a person to understand their feelings are created by themselves puts them back in charge of their life.
Other people do not create our feelings the best they can do is influence us; we are the creators of all our own emotions and translations.
This is great because those that learn this life-changing skill can now be in the driving seat for the rest of their lives.
Life is about creating the feelings we want so understanding what our mind is doing is the starting place to plan for success and develop a life where you can be successful and fulfilled.