Can’t get through to your partner? Arguments going round in circles?
Poor communication skills is a foundational reason why so many couples part.
This is because their “natural inability” to hear each other is forming proof that they cannot get along, which can cause permanent disconnects so this has to be put right.
This is why I am not a fan of couples talking about their problems without them knowing how to hear each other correctly.
You’ve probably heard the sentence when two people are shouting, no one is listening.
I want to expand on it so you can see how deep it really goes.
Below are 3 reasons why couples will naturally struggle to hear each other, to be clear there are more than just 3 but I want to give you a flavour of why you are struggling.
To be honest with you I’d be surprised if you were not struggling.
Accurately hearing a partner so what they say makes sense and secondly enables you to become a positive influencer is a skill that is not common.
Almost like learning a new language, nobody is naturally good at this no matter how intuitive they think they are.
1. Resentment
What are the chances of someone interested in hearing their partners concerns about them when they are full of resentment and actively self-protecting?
Yes, that’s right, not high!
In fact, resentment not only stops the person hearing or wanting to hear, it can block or numb a persons feelings.
This compounds and accelerates the communication problems.
2. Men and women communicate differently
When most men speak, they have a particular agenda that is different from women’s.
What interesting is most people are unaware of these agenda differences and see their version as normal.
This means their perception of their partners agenda as abnormal, difficult or problematic.
Of course it’s another difference that is commonly misunderstood.
Most couples are blind to this comprehension problem, so they don’t hear the correct meaning behind what each other is trying to say and this causes frustration.
This disconnect can create resistance, loss of alignment, loss of connection and emotional security.
The next challenge is the identity they are in when they listen to their partner’s words.
3. Identity
They are highly likely to listen from an identity of judgement and blame, so can negatively spin anything their partner says, no matter how innocent.
These identities can be from a position of victim, depression, to business person to parent.
Can you see the reason couples have problems?
They are supposed to communicate differently so they will naturally struggle unless they know how to translate not just the words, but the true meaning behind the words.
This why putting couples in crisis a room to talk about their problems won’t result in a good outcome unless they are both motivated to hear without judgement and can listen with accurate comprehension.