One of the stipulations of being a client of mine is each person has a commitment to learning how to reconnect to being themselves.
I am looking for a desire to live with integrity.
One of the biggest problems I see in the couples I meet is each person isn’t connected to their own identity, so they will have lost personal integrity.
Over many years, many people have been knocked off-centre by the relationship’s challenges.
So they lose connection with who they are and this will cause them to suffer.
So loving, caring people can withdraw their love, care and kindness and so stop being their identity and who they really are.
In reaction to their life, they sit in resentment, blame and judgements which prolongs their suffering and they attach that suffering to the relationship.
What they are missing is the answer to this question.
How do I remain connected to being myself whilst those around me are losing connection with who they are?
Think about it, if one person gets knocked off-centre and stops being loving and kind, and in response, the other person does the same, both people are now losing whilst their relationship naturally dies.
People will have practised this pattern for years and then wonder why the relationship seems incompatible!
So the question is this, what do I have to know? What do I have to think differently to maintain my own integrity in these critical moments?
This is the conundrum everyone faces.
You see, your pain comes from you not being able to be yourself.
You can blame others, but that leads you to a deeper hole. A place where you will live powerless, whilst giving your power to others.
The skill of life is to stay connected to who you are, whilst those around you are losing control of themselves.
You must lead them and yourself to safety, and you can only do that whilst you have maintained the integrity of being you.
You see, badly behaved people are not bad people, they are simply afraid, and they need help to get back to being themselves.
So the objective is to learn how to be an effective member of the team.
The skill of effective relationships is in getting the best out of yourself and your partner.
“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”
Martin Luther King, Jr.