Misunderstand Part Four: Punishing your partner corrects unwanted behaviours.
Why do so many couples practice punishment as a means to correct their partners’ behaviours?
It’s one of the worst forms of effective motivators in terms of successfully changing human behaviour positively.
Punishing a person consistently actually builds a new pattern within them that disables love, connection and passion.
The punished person can become a rebel as many do, or they’ll surrender, but they will stack resentment against the punisher many end up leaving the marriage.
You see, the objective when things go wrong is to find a way that both people gain the elusive win-win!
As you are both supposed to be a team, if your partner loses, you lose.
Plus, we all know when we are punished, we don’t respond well at all, so why do we think it will work so well on others?
If a man punishes his wife with his anger, eventually, she will turn off her feelings until she is numb enough to leave him and not care.
If a wife treats her husband like a child, he will become that child as a rebellion against a grown man being mothered and talked down to.
If someone withholds their love, that love can be realised elsewhere.
You see, punishment creates distance, resentment and a dangerous connection to the wrong emotions.
Please hear me: Your partner can leave you!
I also know many people are so worried they are not enough for their partner they will bring a toxic energy to them to rebalance their own pain, but will eventually live to regret it.
There is only one solution: stop punishing and start rebuilding trust, so you have a partner who wants to hear your concerns.
Punishment doesn’t work – win-win works!
If you don’t know how then getting help is your answer.
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