This is a question that I get asked almost every day… “are we compatible?” When relationships go wrong it’s the most obvious question. People worry “Maybe the relationship happened too fast, maybe we had children too quickly?”
It’s true that many people rush into relationships without thought.
Most people go into relationships based on a combination of key factors such as it was easy geographically i.e we worked together or live in the same town.
Initially they experienced chemistry felt comfortable that they could sustain the relationship and then despite initial concerns something keeps them together such as their belief system i.e. “…married people should never part” or they have children, or maybe they started a business together.
So it is possible that couples could find themselves with the wrong partner out of convenience, pressure or guilt.
So the question is this: Are we right for each other?
If you are asking the “are we compatible” question then you need to consider the following of yourself.
- Am I going to my relationship to give or to get?
- Have I set up lots of rules my partner has to meet before i’m happy?
- Has my mission been to discover my partner needs and contribute to him or her?
What usually happens is through fear, the individuals in the couple stop giving and start taking and controlling. This creates more fear as their partner backs off in response and so now neither are meeting each others needs and now the relationship is dying.
The starting point when assessing compatibility really has to be with the individuals first.
Because unless you have learned to love yourself and to give to yourself their is no way possible that you can give to others unless you are looking for them to validate you in someway. Giving to get is not honest it creates fear and kills passion.
So your compatibility with your partner starts with you being true to you, being who you are at your core is critical because only then can you give the true you to your partner.
The next question is, can they be a great partner for you?
- Are they committed to giving in the relationship
- Have they made meeting your needs in the way you need it their mission?
- What happens if they did? How would you feel?
The next question is if they knew what they had to do to be successful with you, would they do it?
You see if someone truly loved their partner they would do anything for them. Usually people are more motivated to meeting their partner needs if they are fulling their own personal goals and they feel they can be themselves.
Would your partner do anything for you?
Are we compatible for life?
- Do we share the same needs, values and beliefs?
- Do we have shared goals in life?
- Are we a team?
- Do we support each others quest and goals?
- Are we matched sexually?
As you can see compatibility has many factors. If you want to discover your compatibility then you have to become who you were designed to be, the real you. Becoming the real you in your relationship will impact your partner differently and then we can see if two people are behaving true to themselves what is possible? Are you made for each other or is there someone else out there for you?
The good news
It’s very likely that if you had chemistry historically and your core needs are shared then igniting the relationship will be possible.
Human behavior is more conditioned to move away from pain than it is to move towards gaining pleasure, especially if it feels it has enough proof that he or she has tried everything and the pleasure is impossible.
Most people try what they know to fix their relationship and with little knowledge in building a successful relationships they know very little.
- So before you pull your relationship apart. Come and find out what is possible for you?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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