I have just finished another Marriage Profiling Program with a couple.
The journey was intense, but fascinating as the couple started to learn about why they had been struggling for so many years and the impact that struggle had created on each other and their marriage.
Divorce had seemed like their only solution, but when the couple started to understand how their assumptions about each others past behaviours had created destructive versions of themselves, they started to question the stories they had created that meant divorce was their only solution.
They started to understand each others real intent and how to communicate effectively. Once they were clear on how to understand what was really important to each other, they were armed to rebuild their trust and respect for each other.
This journey is challenging, but the results are remarkable. Watching couples shift from protecting themselves to relaxing and becoming themselves again with each other is for me a joy to watch. No matter how bad things get, when couples really start to understand what they are doing and how to fix it they become far more confident and relaxed.
Below is a small list for you to consider.
- So what happens if couples consistently misunderstand their partners words and actions?
- What happens if couples assume their partner is trying to hurt them when in reality they are not?
- What happens when you don’t understand your partners real needs and that’s why they feel hurt?
- What happens when individuals move to protect themselves from their partner who actually loves them, but due to misunderstandings is also protecting themselves too?
- What happens when two people change the essence of who they are when they go round in circles struggling to connect with each others problems?
- What happens if individuals blame their partner for feelings that they have created within them?
- What happens when a person blames their partner for changing and without realising they have changed have too?
- These and many more challenges face couples who struggle to understand what’s really happened to make their relationship fail.
Couples that practice the above without knowing end up feeling so bad that to free themselves from their pain they feel that leaving the relationship is their only solution.
Solutions are available for everyone. There are many ways to look at a problem and solve it, the challenge is many couples only have a couple of ways of dealing with their problems and so they keep using them without success.
To them the problems seem impossible, the reality is they simply don’t have the understanding and skills to overcome their challenge.