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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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Couples fix & fail process

So the couple gets to the point where they can’t bear their disconnect anymore and one person feels divorce is their next step.

Today’s post illustrates a common process many couples go through that can lead to more frustration and for many a disconnection that could have been avoided.

They have had years of upsets, the circular conflicts have taken their toll and now they are on the edge of divorce.

Looking at the pain and suffering a divorce will bring them and their family, they both wake up to that reality.

Shocked into emergency action they realise it’s not what they want.

So they make an important first step, a step I would encourage any couple to make.

They make their relationship their primary focus.

They have triggered each others fear systems and are now both consciously wanting to save their marriage.

For the moment, all past resentments have become far less important than a divorce.

They both open up and talk, they talk more openly now than they ever had before.

They have a glimmer of hope because they have reconnected, they are on the same page wanting the same outcome.

They feel happier that progress has been made and as the weeks pass, life goes back to normal.

But so do the old destructive patterns and within months the problems are back and they are now both shaking their heads in despair.

They are back to where they started just slightly more worn with it all.

You see the first important step they did correctly they became consciously aware and turned their focus to their marriage.

This conscious focus has the ability to stop the patterned behaviour which happens without thought.

Patterned behaviour is for many where their problems lie.

The next step was to understand their disconnection dynamic so they could build a new one that this time would work for both people.

They didn’t do that critical step, it’s not their fault of course, how on earth do they do that without knowledge and tools?

If they don’t understand the root problem how could they ever correct it?

They didn’t fix the right problem or know where to look

All they did was interrupt the pain and suffering by becoming a team fighting against the prospect of divorce together.

It felt good to be a team again, but by not taking the next step the problems are not fixed just on pause.

You have got to keep being a team, you have to be aligned on all areas of life that are important including appreciating how each other’s emotional system works.

Fix and fail is exhausting

Many couples do this, they cycle through feeling awful, looking divorce in the face have the big chat they feel better and yet still end up in disconnect months later.

You cannot put a sticky plaster on a broken leg and expect it to end well.

Many relationships end up in divorce, not because they are wrong for each other they are just exhausted with this type of soul destroying process.

Getting people out of their crisis takes real understanding and experience.

Getting people out of crisis requires a very specific strategy

It’s a process that requires a very specific strategy that going to be different for every couple.

So if you are fed up with your cycle of disconnect.

If you want to get to the bottom of what you are really capable of together learning what’s happened and how to correct it is critical.

The core reason everyone is struggling is because most end up trying to fix their symptoms and not the root cause(s).

The behavioural patterns have to change in each person and they can’t change until they become a conscious focus of what needs to change and why.

Many couples problems are rooted in both peoples misunderstanding each others differences.

Misunderstood differences, create confusions that lead many to self-protection.

Practiced self-protection is what leads couples to disconnect.

Every couples answers lie in their new understandings of themselves and each other.

If you can contribute in a way that creates positive influence then as a couple you can connect and grow.

Most people are patterned to triggered their partner to feel bad about themselves.

When you help someone feel bad, they will attach that feeling to you and this is how disconnect happens and resentments stack.

So triggering our partners towards feelings they would agree are good for them is going to put new foundations that enable growth.

This is where a fulfilling life together sits.

All you now need to know is how…

The Marriage Breakthrough Program is a very successful process for getting you both to your truth.

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Do You Want
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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “Marriage at Risk from Destructive Triggers”
  • “The Root Cause Revolution”
  • “Top 1% Marriages do Something Different…”
  • “I had to stop her – she was killing the marriage she wanted to keep!”
  • “The Biggest Relationship Red Flag”

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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