If I distil all the problems that men and women have in their years of time together.
It boils down to some fundamentals.
These are fundamentals for wives and fundamentals for husbands.
So, the title may suggest today’s post is just for women. It’s actually for men, too.
You see, the basic skill that everyone must possess is the ability to trigger their partner in a way that gets the best out of them.
Most people in relationships run patterns that consistently trigger their partner to be the worst of themselves.
Triggering a person to become a worse version of themselves is a bad practice for the relationship because people who keep feeling bad will attach those feelings to their partner and the relationship.
This leads to resentment stacking, emotional detachment and self-numbing.
That can lead to a decision to end the relationship.
So, what destructive patterns are the wives doing that I see daily?
Women are constantly shutting down a man’s desire to see who they are.
They shut down his desire to care for her.
They shut down his desire to want to protect her.
They shut down his ability to be attracted to her.
She keeps doing these behaviours, totally unaware of the impact she is having on him.
Now, imagine if she learned how to trigger him positively.
Imagine if she knew how to trigger his natural desire to make her number one in his world by helping him reverse all those trends.
Naturally, this problem is not limited to the wives because men are clueless, too; look at the results.
Men are constantly acting in ways that naturally help her to turn off her sexual desire for him – the last thing he wants!
Men do not see how they are making themselves less attractive and, in many cases, pointless in their marriage, regardless of how much they earn.
Men are helping their wives connect with other people as a means to get their emotional needs met.
Men do not see that he is helping her become the one who has to look after herself emotionally.
One billionaire was in a session with me, confused as to why his wife was so unhappy.
He said I have literally given her everything I can think of.
I told him the money was nice, but in the context of love and sexual attraction, money wasn’t the currency that kept her sexual energy alive for him.
So yes, you gave her everything except for what she really needed!
You see, one of the most consistent trends that end relationships is each person behaves in ways that turn off their partner’s ability to see them as attractive.
This results in each person disliking how they feel about themselves when they are together.
Now, they create a natural gravity to meet their critical needs outside of the marriage.
Now the question for those people is, what’s the point of the marriage?
Can you now see learning how to get the best out of your partner and trigging them positively is a win-win model?
A partner who feels good about themselves when they are with you will do anything for you; it’s how relationships start, how they should always be to the end.
Resentful people naturally lose emotional attachment and motivation, which means they naturally stop craving their partner in a positive way.
They will then come across as caring about themselves.
So the next time you see your partner act negatively towards you or in reaction to you, know you are triggering them in the wrong emotional direction.
Know there is a far better way to approach and engage them.
That new way is better for you, better for them and far better for your future together.
For those who want to learn how to become a powerfully effective partner and get the best out of your husband or wife, you can start an individual journey with me by clicking here.
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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