I can’t stress enough how important this is as it’s probably the most common message I hear when I’m helping couples rebuild their relationship out of crisis.
For example: Many females complain that their partners don’t understand them. They feel they can’t connect emotionally with their partner and so if they have ever tried it’s a hopeless quest.
They feel the relationship has little depth, it’s essentially transactional. Some do claim to get on very well, but their attraction sexually is disconnected so they live more as friends.
Many of these females feel their partner either doesn’t care or lacks the ability to be able to connect with her.
I also see many men feeling equally not heard and misunderstood they just show it very different ways. Many men complain that no matter what they do it doesn’t work so in the end they can give up.
Feeling disconnected helps people in relationships feel very alone and this really is the worst place in the world to feel isolated.
To make matters worse both people can feel they are being crystal clear to each other and still their partner doesn’t hear them. The challenge is what’s clear to one person can be fog to another.
One of the big reasons couples struggle is because they can translate the same situation so differently which results in them both creating totally different meanings to the same situation.
This can be so frustrating because it means the couple don’t feel that they are on the same page. The more they experience this gap the more the couple suffer and the relationship fails.
Look at this sequence
1. Suffering creates fears
2. Fears trigger coping patterns.
3. Coping patterns create even more disconnection through a need to protect themselves.
I hope you are seeing that this cycle can be aggressive in severing a couples connection.
They will both communicate that all they want is a happy life, however their route to that space will be totally different.
They both want to be happy yet they don’t know how to create it together. For some couples one or both people can conclude that their relationship cannot work.
So I see many relationship that look dead come back to life when they both learn how to reconnect emotionally.
The keyword in that sentence is LEARN.
You see men are not born understanding how women work and women are not born understanding how men work.
There are staggering differences between the sexes and if we assume we are the same then please expect problems.
My message for the couples I work with is, you are where you should be today based on what you have both done to the relationship…
…but, you are not where you should be if you were both to really give your relationship the chance it deserves.
You see none of the couples I work with want to end their relationship only to find out that the patterns that destroyed this relationship start to appear in their future ones.
I help these couples become curious to learn. What if we were to change our behaviours so the relationship could grow and we became more connected to our true selves?
I see couples in real crisis learn step-by-step how to rebuild their relationships so they are stronger and far more connected.