So a couple in their early 40s book an initial consultation because they know their marriage is failing.
They tell me something is wrong with their marriage, but they don’t know what their problem is.
They are however, proud of one fact, and that’s they never argue.
Whenever I hear this, I have one question I always ask?
What is your sex life like?
Nine times out of ten, the answer is it’s died years before!
You see, relationships are all about energy.
Energy in relationships is about polarity, which is what creates attraction.
Polarity is also about differences, and differences generally create friction as couples misunderstand how to translate these differences accurately.
Friction channelled correctly will create a spark and positive energy for the couple.
Friction misunderstood and so misdirected into conflict will repel each other; this is the energy most couples create which add to their stress.
The problem many couples face is either they are too similar, so there is no spark or passion, like the couple that doesn’t argue with a dead sex life.
Or they are creating a powerful energy that repels each other.
In real terms, when a person is so focused on creating a safe, controlled relationship, they will kill their connection and passion.
The balancing act is about making a relationship safer by not needing to control it.
This is done through vulnerability; the very energy most want to avoid.
By bringing massive value to your partner with no promise of anything in return gives the relationship its best chance of thriving instead of just surviving.
The problem couples face with this is knowing exactly how to do this.
How do I get the best out of myself and my partner?
How do I create positive win-win energy no matter what is happening?
When most people are experiencing what they see as dead-end problems, they are not seeing the many choices available to them.
When problems strike most people turn to punishments, judgements and blame.
They turn to their habitual patterned reaction to their problems and assume this is the only response available to them.
These habits are relationship killers and need to be repatterned.
So in contrast, I see a couples problems as an opportunity for polarity and gaining more attraction.
Successful relationships are not the ones that are permanently happy because these don’t exist.
Successful relationships are the ones where the couples inevitable problems are met with an energy that creates security as a default, whilst creating a connection that builds attraction as a foundation to their passion.
Where there are people, there will always be problems and where so much is at stake emotionally, couples will butt heads.
This conflict is normal and is an indicator of two people being passionate and honest.
The question is, how do we then turn that energy into a positive energy for on going connected passion?
This is what couples are learning once they get past their own fears, blocks and misunderstandings.
The objective is to build a new relationship with less fear and more fun, after all who wouldn’t want that?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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