Many people make their life decisions based on their feelings, yet they are not in control of those feelings, so it leads them to disasters they can’t initially see.
This is so common in my world of helping couples understand their disconnect.
This means people are making life-changing decisions, totally unaware of the impact on their own lives.
How many people create feelings they don’t like, yet they blame their partner or relationship for how they feel?
I’ve lost count of the number of people I see who have totally misunderstood their partner, their intention, and what their behaviors really mean.
Their misunderstanding has caused them to consistently think destructively about their partner, resulting in them not liking their own thinking and the feelings it creates.
Eventually, they can’t want to leave their partner to feel good again based on experiencing these consistent feelings they don’t like.
Can you see the problem?
They are wanting to leave their partner based on what they are doing to themselves.
I remember reading a story about this storyteller who lost connection with himself and became another man’s judge.
He didn’t like his own feelings, so he had to say something, but was in for a shock.
The storyteller was on a busy train, a gentleman stepped on with three kids.
The man sat down, and the kids ran up and down the aisle whilst the gentleman just looked out of the window.
He seemed oblivious to the kid’s noise and the negative reaction of the other passengers.
The storyteller couldn’t believe how this man could let his children behave this way, what a terrible parent!
The storyteller was making himself upset.
In the end, the storyteller couldn’t contain himself.
“Excuse me sir; your children are upsetting the other passengers”!
The man seemed to wake up to his words, “I’m so sorry” he said, we’ve just come from the hospital where their mother has just passed away.
That simple sentence changed everything for the storyteller.
This story taught me to learn why someone behaves the way they do before you decide how to respond.
This will stop a person from creating feelings they don’t like and attaching those feelings to another person.
Making assumptions will always create distorted truths and, in many cases, unhelpful feelings and reactions.
Maybe your partner seems uncaring or disconnected?
You can assume they are an awful partner or find out why they are like this.
Better yet, you can learn how to get the best out of them rather than the worst.
The question “WHY” is critical if you want to get to the truth.
Remember you are the creator of your feelings and understanding this is critical for a meaningful life.