What do you do when you can feel your life is falling apart and you don’t know why or how to stop it?
Earlier this year a gentleman attended a meeting with me. He told me two years ago a couple who were his friends had come to see me and because they were delighted with their transformation they both said he must come and get my help as his marriage was suffering.
He said he didn’t know why it had taken so long to book in but he said he was now in so much pain and suffering he couldn’t see a way out and didn’t think anyone could help.
As he shared his story I could hear he was very stuck.
He was CEO of a tech company BUT he rarely went to work because he lived with terrible anxiety and depressive moods.
His business was suffering massively as a result.
He had also moved out of his family home as the marriage became impossible for them both.
He suffered from such bad reactions to his family even his children struggled with him and he was losing a relationship with them all.
As I listened to his heart-wrenching story I could see he had become a victim of a very troubled childhood and he was stuck in the wrong identity based on a decision he made to cope with his old life.
He was essentially living the life patterns he had created as a child to protect himself and these old patterns were now out of date and not working.
He was not aware.
Essentially he carried his terrible past with him everywhere and was beaten down daily by his depression and this created no way to achieve the life he really wanted so he had lost confidence and trust in himself.
He was in a vicious cycle with no way out.
Even though I could see his childhood was his problem I’m really not a fan of taking him back to relive such a traumatic time. I wanted to create a transformation that freed him by moving him forward in a way that cut ties with that past so he was genuinely free.
I could see he learnt well through understanding visual models of what had happened to him so I started his transformation in the sessions by giving him the knowledge through visual models so he understood what was happening to him and why.
I then created powerful processes to help him break the destructive patterns and provided him with the tools he could use at home to make sure he stayed on track.
I got to work quickly firstly helping him see how his depression was formed so he could learn how to break this destructive pattern.
I then helped him to learn about his relationship with his own past and how and why his mind had held onto it, this knowledge helped him disconnect from what wasn’t useful and keep what he needed.
I then helped him understand how he was living in an outdated identity and that fear was running his life and this was stopping him connecting to himself. I told him that living this way would make him very tired and everything would feel a real effort.
Understanding this enabled him to consciously create a new decision to live connected to his true identity this meant a far better energy.
Each time he attended a session he was visibly shocked at what was happening to him.
He came into the last meeting with a new message for me.
He said his anxiety was gone.
He said he was no longer depressed.
He said he is now going to work every day.
He also said his wife was so impressed with his change they went away for a short break and they now want to work on their marriage with me.
In the last session, we created a plan to help him know where to put his energy into the business.
We created a plan to integrate his wife into our meetings.
We created a plan to help him rebuild a relationship with his children.
I asked him what he was now experiencing.
He said so much has changed and he was in such a dark place for so long and there didn’t seem to be an answer.
He said, “I’m now really excited about the future”.
He said, “This process has been so powerful for me to reconnect with myself so I can take control of my life”.
Shaking his head he said, “I know we have more meetings and I’m looking forward to working with my wife on our marriage but I’m so shocked at how much we have achieved in just 3 sessions”.
I did share with him at the start of his process that most people will tell you that change takes a long time.
I told him that changes can actually happen instantly it’s the needing to feel safe to change that’s what really takes the time.
Naturally, he didn’t believe me until he actually experienced it for himself.
Anyone who is suffering from their own emotional problems will naturally have problems in their marriage.
This is why for some couples the work starts with the individuals first so I can help them become valuable to the marriage before we start couples work.