I remember at 18 years old sitting and looking over the Oxfordshire countryside as I pondered two questions that seemed critical to me.
At the time I was single, girls were a mystery to me and I was in a job that I didn’t enjoy.
I felt directionless and quite lost, I wanted to know the answer to what seemed like two critical questions.
- How do relationships work?
- How does money work?
I also couldn’t work out why people were so mean to each other.
If I could go back in time I would tell myself the answers to all these questions so my younger self could take charge and direct his life to success faster.
You see what I discovered is the answer to many of life’s questions really sits in how a person thinks and one answer that has the potential to lead anyone to freedom.
I wish I knew this answer back then it would have saved so much time.
When I look at what so many do today they are making sure both of those situations don’t improve, but they don’t know they are doing it.
They are literally disempowering themselves and losing control of their life.
So not knowing this can literally ruin your life as it did to me for years.
You see what I would tell my younger self is to take 100% responsibility for where you are in your life at any given point.
So if you don’t like where you are in your life or what’s going on make yourself responsible no matter if it’s your fault or not, that part is irrelevant as you will discover.
The reason I would tell myself this is because those who blame situations and others end up out of control and unhappy.
I’ll explain why this problem can unfold as it does for so many.
The moment you blame someone else or something else, that is the moment you have instantly lost control of what happens next.
Taking responsibility puts you in the driving seat, and that’s where you need to be for you to direct yourself to a life that makes sense to you.
You cannot leave your life in other people’s hands it will never work out well for you.
This young man was doing exactly this he was blaming others for why his life was not working and this old man wanted to help him with his first life lesson.
A young man’s first lesson…
I remember listening to this wise man’s conversation with this young chap who was blaming the company he worked for, for not paying him enough.
The wise man said, what they are paying you is NOT all they will pay, but it is all they will pay YOU.
The young man looked confused.
What this wise old man was teaching was companies generally pay what they think the person is worth to them.
For example, if the young man did a job that anyone could do, they may not pay a lot for that position as he is easily replaced so to them low value.
But if he made himself valuable, let’s say he doubled their revenue in six months the company would want to ensure they made his package attractive to keep him as losing him would hurt them.
So adding more value means he becomes instantly more valuable and more attractive to that company.
This wise man was wanting this young man to understand a basic premise of any success in any area of life as he could blame the company, or he could take responsibility.
The wise old man knows the next question that’s coming, “…how? How do I do that?”
His answer was simple invest in yourself so you gain the knowledge you will need to gain the success you are after.
You see being successful in life isn’t about what you get, success in life is about who you must become to command that success.
“Who do I have to become to be successful” is the question the wise man shares with him.
It’s why successful people can lose everything, and within months be making significantly more than they had before.
Successful people know what to do they have the knowledge, and unsuccessful people wait for others to make things better, but they never do no matter how long they wait.
You may think this post is a lesson in money it’s not, what it really is, is a life lesson for wealth in all areas of life.
This message I am sharing today is if you want life success you must, must – invest in yourself or it won’t happen.
Personally, I am committed to being a life student on a quest to learn and grow so I can take responsibility for my own life direction.
So your question to yourself is what do I have to think and know that will make me valuable to my life?
In the context of relationships, the question is “who do I have to become to be of value to my relationship?”
Most people are not looking to become better they are too committed to blaming and then they wonder why nothing changes.
What I teach all the people I help is how to take responsibility and put yourself in the driving seat of your own life no matter what problem you are facing.
People that blame others will stay stuck, and the people that learn how to be valuable to themselves will see choices because they know more.
It’s why more and more people are coming for my help alone they want freedom from their situation.
They are starting to understand taking responsibility is the only way it could ever work.
They can sit and blame and complain, but that will take them nowhere other than back to where they are today.
They are seeing that learning how to become a better and more effective partner is going to show them what’s possible.
All they have to do is understand how to take charge!
I’m always looking for people who are 100% committed to themselves passionate about their relationship and hungry to learn.
So is this you?
So are you NOW going to take charge and find a way forward?
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
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