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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How to get a couple from near divorce back to love step-by-step

One of the reasons I love the process of coaching couples through their problems is the precision in which I can help them both see how to get to their desired result. 

Through the diagram below I will explain how it works.

Six-step-chart

Every couple is different and so the process from A-B will be unique to them

The green letter ‘A’ represents where the couple are today. This is important to understand because the couple will present where they think they are and sometimes it’s far worse than they think and sometimes it’s far better.

Unless you really understand position ‘A’ solving the problem is challenging. It’s a like trying to get to New York from London, but you think you’re in Spain. How confusing would that journey be? Yes very confusing and hard work, so knowing where you really are is critical.

The next position we need to understand is position ‘B’. This is where the couple want to be. We need to know this because otherwise we are all working on different goals without knowing.

This was my personal struggle when I tried counselling in my twenties. She asked us what we felt rather than what we wanted. What we wanted was to understand the problem to see if we could fix it, what we felt was pain. She focused us on our pain and so we both just locked down in more fear so she accelerated our problem rather than helped us to understand it and fix it.

Some couples are on the same page and just want the relationship fixed. Some couples are on totally different pages one is desperate to fix the problems and the other could have one foot out of the door.

In this case the goal has to be something like, discovering if we are actually compatible.

Now we have position ‘A’ and position ‘B’, the couple now need a defined plan to get to their honest answers.

The numbered steps in the diagram above represent steps which the couple have to achieve to get from ‘A’ to ‘B’.

You see without the steps it’s far too bigger jump to go from near divorce to love in one step. It’s like trying to get from your bed to the road in one step, for most this would be totally impossible.

So we need the steps that are most likely to get you both to your chosen goals. The steps are in a specific order for a reason. For example to get to the road from your bed you have to go through specific steps in a specific order.

Relationship problems are the same, for example if trust has been destroyed we have to overcome that before the person can focus on planning a future again, do that in reverse and we will be met with resistance.

The steps 1-6 in the diagram above are the milestones the couple will have to pass through to get to the next step, there are no short cuts. When a person is struggling to achieve a specific step that person is invited into a one-on-one session with me to overcome their block, objection, or challenge.

This could be a problem in their history, in their beliefs, in their fears etc. Once the person has broken through their block they are put back into the process now happy to move forward to the next step.

Step-by-step the couple are moved towards their goal, in each step they are learning not only about their relationship and how it really works, but also about their partner and themselves and what’s really needed to make it work.

This process takes away the uncertainty that creates fears that stops relationships growing, and gives both people clear guidance on what their roles are in the relationship. This creates a new confidence in the individuals to be who they really are and to create a relationship that can actually grow and work for them both.

My clients like this structured approach because they can track their progress with me. Each week we are focused on the progress the couple have made from what they learnt in the session and the homework they were given to practice.

This gives them confidence that what they are doing is designed to take them to where they want to go.

Simple yet very powerful, so now imagine what this process could do for you?

 

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship - June 26, 2025
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  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage - June 26, 2025

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

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