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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How to move a relationship out of crisis?

If you are in crisis and you want to make a change in your relationship then it’s critical that the process of making that change is understood if you are to be successful.

The most common scenario I see is when one person feels the relationship has died. They have lost their feelings for their partner and do not know how to get their feelings back. Some of course don’t even want to try.

One person is likely to be in a position where they are desperate to save the relationship and they can get very busy trying to stop them leaving.

Individuals panicking to save their relationship will usually notice they are making their fragile situation much worse through taking the wrong actions. The result is they are likely to see their partner become more detached the more they try to keep them in the relationship. Both people can now feel stuck.

What these people are not aware of is they are tying to force their partner to make the change that they want. All this creates is resistance and a deeper need to escape the relationship within their partner.

Fact: The only way a person will make any change is if the person is making the change that they want.

This fact is key to understand.

Imagine a person who feels the relationship is not right for them. If their partner communicates “…we have a good relationship!” or “we love each other..! , they are simply not going to agree.

If a person is going to make a change, that person has to agree in their own mind that the change they have to make is going to be the right one for them.

If a person is stuck in relationship and only sees one outcome, one of the keys to making any change is to really understand the problem from that persons perspective. In other words, what did the person have do to themselves to make wanting to leaving the relationship a possibility.

This is a key question because whatever the person has done to themselves has created very real feelings that are helping them to want to leave.

As you can now see this person is in reaction to their feelings, in other words their feelings are guiding their decision to leave.

So if the persons feelings are the source of making a change then that’s where we must start our work, BUT to do that work effectively we have to understand how that person creates their own feelings.

One client this week communicated that she started the process of working on their relationship with me fearful that it would work.

We did some work together and now she said she is fearful that it wouldn’t work. This is a change of this persons feelings that has the potential to motivate her differently in terms of her investment in the relationship.

Another client this week spoke of feeling that her love was gone forever. She told me at the start of the process she was stubborn and didn’t expect to feel any different. She is now talking about their future together, holidays and real possibilities of love and connection.

I asked both these clients how fast they experienced a change. They both had the same answer, their change of feeling was instant.

Once I really understood both these couples and the patterns they had created both in the relationship and within themselves then it was easy to help them connect to their feelings differently.

We all experience instant changes in our feelings, when we laugh, if we think the car is going to crash, when we cry, if we have good or bad news. People who experience a shock such as an affair change fast.

Our feelings have the ability to change us fast, so it’s key to understand how to connect and influence them so we have the feelings we want in our lives.

No one tells us growing up we have the power to change our feelings so we can believe that what we feel is either permanent, or just the way it is. This is simply not true, our feelings can feel very real in the moment, but they can change.

I have worked with couples who have been sexually dead for years who learnt how to connect to their feelings differently and this totally changed their relationship.

If you are in this situation and would like help please connect with us today.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

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I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
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Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

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Success Stories

His marriage was over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness, his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

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“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

Do you want
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Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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