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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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How to rebuild trust in a marriage after…

Infidelity, lying, emotional affair, broken promises, addictions, loss of love, loss of emotional support and connection.

Breaks of trust are commonplace in marriages today and are not just limited to affairs.

It can be one of the biggest sticking points for couples who in theory want a better marriage after a significant break of trust, but cannot get past what happened.

Very often one person will want to keep hold of a past event almost as a reminder that self-protection is required after all it could happen again so foolish to let your guard down!

Also for some letting go of the bad event(s) almost communicates what they did was on some level ok so they need to keep what they did alive to maintain their position of rejecting their actions.

For some, they can’t get past what happened because no matter how bad life got for them they didn’t do that bad thing!

When significant breaks of trust form part of a couples lives it can be devastating for their connection as without trust what have you really got?

The person who is the initial victim of the break of trust is going to be left with 3 challenges or choices.

  1. Do I stay and rebuild the marriage?
  2. Do I go?
    or
  3. Am I now not sure what I want!

In today’s post I’m just going to focus on No.1 “do I stay and rebuild the marriage”?

The other 2 options I’ll cover in the next few posts.

Do I stay and rebuild the trust in the marriage?

When couples try to rebuild trust they very often fail because they are not understanding what they need to do and so they make things worse.

To be clear the break of trust is the responsibility of the person who broke the trust as it was their decision so their responsibility.

What many couples don’t see is the journey that person took to that decision and that is the responsibility of both people.

In other words, what took that person to that decision?

Breaks of trust are usually connected to one person becoming unhappy in the marriage and for some reason and this can lead a person to poor moral choices.

Understanding why the marriage failed for them is important to understand.

Usually what I find is what broke the marriage will give us clues in terms of where we need to put our energy to help the couple rebuild their connection.

Rebuilding trust is a process

Firstly it is not possible overnight, it takes time, patience and consistency much more than most are aware of so if a person is going to stress a marriage this way expect a process.

It’s about being connected to what your partner needs to help them rebuild that trust at their speed.

In essence the break of trust will create a significant need to understand their emotional world as they won’t feel supported if this isn’t understood.

Impatience will only encourage them to dig in deeper and halt the trust building process.

It is likely the person will have no clue as to what has to happen if trust is to be rebuilt for them. Many resort to going over and over what happened hoping this will work.

This is why so many couples suffer, they don’t know what to do and so they either bury the problem.

Please don’t do that!!!

Or they suffer in a process that wears them both out emotionally.

Even the most regretful guilt-ridden person only has so long before they run out of energy and gives up so the process must support both people.

The process has to be leading each person to connect to what equals the best of them as a relationship partner.

This means helping both people reconnect to who they really are as this dramatically reduces their suffering and allows them to look at the relationship from a more objective position.

Break of trust generally bring out the worse in people and that loss of self-connection in itself is very painful.

You see when someone feels their partner knows them, understands them and consistently wants to care, keep them safe and has their back it paves the way for a possible emotional reinvestment.

You see the process isn’t I must trust my partner.

The process is I must trust myself to trust my partner.

That means I must trust myself to reconnect to myself and reinvest as it’s the only way to discover the truth of a couple’s connection.

People that hold back or withdraw and don’t move forward due to fear or vulnerability will be party to its destruction.

For couples to really get their truth both people must ultimately be 100% all-in but remember that is a process to help someone feel safe enough to go there.

That of course is an educational process for both people. 

The doors that lead to many levels of influence

The process must help the couple see what they couldn’t see before by opening doors into different ways to connect and influence each other.

In relationships, there are many doors you can open into your connection that will enable both people to become powerful influencers.

Imagine rebuilding your marriage so it is significantly better than it ever was before.

Many couples tell me their relationship is significantly better now as their problems woke them up to discover what they never knew.

You see breaks of trust for many couples are rooted in their lack of understanding of how to get the best out of themselves and each other.

Over time resentments build, self-protection becomes the pattern and people run separate lives whilst living under the same roof.

This only happens when couples don’t know how to influence what is behind each door.

The doors of influence that most couples are blind to

  • How does our attraction happen?
  • How do we deal with conflict so we both win?
  • How do we translate what our partner is really saying? 
  • How do we discover what drives ourselves and our partners?
  • How do I positively trigger my partner emotionally?
  • How do we build a compelling future?
  • How do I create a successful me in my marriage?
  • How do we become a team in all important areas of our lives?
  • How is my partner different to me and why?

Once two people are connected to understanding how to positively influence each one of these critical areas then their process of being together and building an unbreakable trust becomes far easier.

Then love, passion, fun, joy becomes the energy that builds and solidifies their trust and security together.

Category iconDestructive Patterns,  Infidelity-Affairs,  Personal Development,  Rebuilding trust,  Top 10 Popular Posts

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

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When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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