If you are experiencing difficulties in your relationship and you want to know the steps to saving your marriage then this is a good first step towards a solution for you. This is a fundamental step and foundational to the success of any relationship.
If your marriage has been in decline then you partner has been attaching feelings to you which result in them feeling bad about themselves when they are around you. If this carries on for too long their logical solution will be to remove you or themselves.
BTW: They don’t choose to do this, it is automatic at a behaviour level.
The good news is the process of attaching “good feelings” to you is automatic for them too.
So if you take steps to help your partner feel good then over time those great feelings will start to feel solid and they will then attach more and more great feelings back to you.
But my partner has been horrible why should I reward it this way?
This is a common response to my advice above. If your partner has been behaving poorly then it’s likely to be a cry for help rather than a desire to hurt you. Men and women can shut down when they feel that their relationship is impossible to fix. Couples can test each other with destructive words. What is considered to be hurtful behaviour can actually be a desire to wake their partner up to listen to the pain they feel.
The challenge is that men and women communicate totally differently. Which on it’s own is a big topic so know this if you are judging your partners behaviour, know quickly, you are not qualified.
Many people feel qualified to judge their partners and through that judgement they decide their partner has done wrong. They are now likely to punish them in some way.
Punishment does not create more love, all it does is help your partner automatically attach bad feelings to you. So if you punish you start to kill your own relationship. Some people feel they have been punished for years and without warning just leave the relationship to the shock and horror of their partner.
How to grow your marriage…
If your relationship is dying and you want to keep it, work out what great feelings you want your partner to feel and them help them feel that way.
If you want an amazing relationship then you have to become amazing and be the example, after all your partner may just be lost and fearful. Plus there are no relationship schools so a lack of education may not be your partners fault and they might be doing their best with what they know, i.e. what their parents taught them and the chances of their parents being lost with relationships too, are very high.
