If you are feeling your marriage problems are impossible to solve this post is for you.
When a couple come to me for help, they are going to both share a story of their relationship. Each person will have a different story about the same relationship, with different perspectives of the same event(s).
Both people are likely to have attached pain to their story. They have usually been feeling this way for a while and want the suffering to stop.
My job within their process is to help them understand their core problem(s).
Couples will be experiencing problems that become their focus, such as conflict, affairs, communication breakdown, power struggles to name a few.
IMPORTANT: What the couple will not be aware of is these are not their real problems and this is why they are going round in circles – Without help this is what leads many couples to divorce.
The way to help couples connect at the level they desire is to help them discover their source problem.
The source/core problem, is the problem that’s actually causing the couples visible problems.
When the source problem is understood and corrected it can have a profoundly positive affect on their relationship and how they both feel in it.
I have seen so many people come into this process with total certainty their marriage is over, yet when they focus on what they were not aware of, their feelings about themselves and their partner change.
Their guard comes down and many describe it as feeling safer and at peace.
I see their problem in two parts, job one is to help them connect to their truth. Help them discover what was really going on in their relationship so we can breakthrough the behavioural patterns that are blocking the couple.
Part two is to help them become a team and give them the tools to be able to protect their relationship forever.
This work is a journey of self-discovery as much as it is a couples journey. Within the couple there are two people who have a relationship with themselves that also needs to be understood.
You see many people have created patterns of behaviour that run subconsciously. These patterns are designed to protect them, but in reality are very likely to cause them more pain in the long run.
When couples understand their real problem(s) in their relationship this is powerful enough to be able to create the safe lasting changes and this can stop them putting their family through the long-term problems that divorce can create.
My message to all couples, find out the truth in your relationship before you make decisions that are hard to reverse. Too many people regret divorce and too many people see their old relationship problems appearing in new relationships.