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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I feel so disrespected!”

I was sat in a coffee shop sipping coffee and enjoying a slice of homemade cake. Cloe (my wife) was browsing their goods for sale, I sat peacefully enjoying the quiet and watching my wife get excited about her next purchase.

Cloe and I started a conversation with the owner and the lady said to me.

“You look so calm” I did feel calm.

She said if that was my husband he would be stressing, looking at his watch, wanting to go.

She was describing his “impatience” and “frustration”.

I smiled and said, “why would I do that to myself?”

She half smiled back and looked at me strangely.

What she didn’t know is she just told me about an emotional pattern her husband will do to himself.

You see many people are doing emotions to themselves that are not good for their state of mind or their health.

Why would I stress myself by choice that makes no sense to me?

It’s like the person who says “I feel so disrespected!” What they are not aware of is that’s not an emotion people do to you, it’s an emotion you create and do to yourself.

Wouldn’t they be horrified if they knew the truth?

My question is this; why do that upsetting emotion to yourself especially if the only one that’s getting hurt is you?

We are back to the old saying you’re drinking the poison and hoping others will die.

Personally, I like to do the emotions to myself that I like.

When emotions pop up that I’m not fond of, then the mission is to quickly change them to ones that will serve me better.

This is a process of course, but anyone can learn it.

Like most people for many years emotions happened to me and I reacted and I accepted them as normal, I didn’t know any better just like most people.

So if you keep experiencing feelings you don’t like and have a tendency to blame others for how you feel you are in a common pattern that’s not helpful to you.

You were not born with it, you were taught it.

Plus the concept that “people make you feel things” is an illusion that’s not helpful, you have feelings because you create them.

You are the creator therefore once you know how you create them then you are back in control.

Plus if the only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the way they think and how they think creates how they feel – this for many is critical to learn.

In some cases, people are running these destructive patterns and it’s affecting their physical health too.

When I think of that self-destructive pattern it’s sad to know so many are out of control of their lives with terrible feelings thinking other people are making them feel that way.

People can’t run in your brain and make you feel things.

People can trigger us that’s true, but after the trigger, every emotion is of your own creation you have a choice, but many don’t see it.

So they react the way their emotional pattern has been designed.

Once you start to choose the emotions after the trigger, the trigger starts losing its power.

I remember one lady who when under stress ran a pattern of smiling.

I said to her “I notice you do smiling to yourself when under stress, who did you learn that from?”

“My mother,” she said. “She didn’t want others to know they were upsetting her.”

I said, “So she chose smiling and gave it to you and now you run that pattern without thought.”

“Since I was a child,” she said, still smiling.

So if you ponder what you have read today and then consider that all life is about is experiencing the feelings we want.

Wouldn’t it be sad if all along we could have chosen the feelings we wanted we just were not aware it was possible or how to do it?

This is part of “Living life on your terms“ – a small program I run for individuals who want to take back control of their life.

  • They could be in a relationship and have lost themselves.
  • Divorced and struggling with their new life.
  • Feeling life has no direction.
  • Feeling stuck and don’t know why.

Maybe like this gentleman below you have had enough and want to create the life you want.

After learning this one gentleman told me “I’m driving the train now!”

Simple steps to an empowered life.

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Stephen Hedger
Stephen Hedger
About the author:

Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach

With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.

Find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
Stephen Hedger
Latest posts by Stephen Hedger (see all)
  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?” - July 5, 2025
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It. - July 2, 2025
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive - July 1, 2025

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  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion
  • Please Save Our Marriage – My Wife has Asked for a Divorce
  • Loss of Love? How to Save Your Relationship
  • Passionless Marriage: “Sex life dying – want to know why?”
  • Coping with an Affair: How to Rebuild Trust and Save Your Marriage
  • Feeling Torn Between Two Relationships?
  • How to Help Spouse Heal After Affair?

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

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A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

From Battlefield to Breakthrough: How to Save Your Marriage Without a Toxic Fight.

January 31, 2025 By Stephen Hedger

Most people who come to me for help believe their marriage is broken, so their level of hope is not high. Many will have tried to fix the problems without success. These people are unaware that there is a critical mindset shift: if you don’t make it, your chances of success dramatically drop. As you […]

“By changing yourself, you can change a relationship… because I did!”

September 16, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

We were in the process of physical separation, with my husband arranging to move out at the end of the month, and I was getting legal advice on proceeding with the divorce.  On one of those distressed and sleepless nights, I came across Stephen’s website and his blog. I was fascinated. What Stephen has written […]

“There’s no hope in hell – I want a divorce!”

April 22, 2024 By Stephen Hedger

So what do you do when the trust is broken so badly that their relationship ends with them selling their family home and moving into separate homes? Most people would consider this the end, but this gentleman decided something different. He wrote to me to see if I could help. I wanted to encourage his […]

Marriage Crisis from Infidelity & Communication Breakdown

August 21, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

Today’s post is about a professional couple in the UK who decided they wanted to share their experience of their tailormade program that was designed to help them out of their marital challenges. They were in crisis due to communication breakdown and infidelity. They had 12 meetings over five months to learn how to reconnect […]

His Marriage was Over!

June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

This man was in the depths of sadness; his marriage was over, but he didn’t want it to be. They had seen numerous counsellors who had all concluded the marriage was indeed over. He had lost all feelings for his wife. Due to being so stuck for so long, he had started an affair. But […]

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Recent Clients: Scotland, Ireland, Texas, New York, Dubai, Los Angeles, Austrailia, Japan, Germany, France, Ireland, UK, Monaco to name a few.

Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems.

Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • “What Do You Hear When I Speak?”
  • Your Marriage Isn’t Broken — The Pattern Is. Here’s How to Fix It.
  • The 5C Marriage Blueprint: The Foundation Every Relationship Needs to Thrive
  • The Silent Killer of Marriages: When You Stop Being You
  • Emotional Intimacy in Marriage: The Key to Trust, Connection, and Lasting Passion

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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