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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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“I feel so disrespected!”

I was sat in a coffee shop sipping coffee and enjoying a slice of homemade cake. Cloe (my wife) was browsing their goods for sale, I sat peacefully enjoying the quiet and watching my wife get excited about her next purchase.

Cloe and I started a conversation with the owner and the lady said to me.

“You look so calm” I did feel calm.

She said if that was my husband he would be stressing, looking at his watch, wanting to go.

She was describing his “impatience” and “frustration”.

I smiled and said, “why would I do that to myself?”

She half smiled back and looked at me strangely.

What she didn’t know is she just told me about an emotional pattern her husband will do to himself.

You see many people are doing emotions to themselves that are not good for their state of mind or their health.

Why would I stress myself by choice that makes no sense to me?

It’s like the person who says “I feel so disrespected!” What they are not aware of is that’s not an emotion people do to you, it’s an emotion you create and do to yourself.

Wouldn’t they be horrified if they knew the truth?

My question is this; why do that upsetting emotion to yourself especially if the only one that’s getting hurt is you?

We are back to the old saying you’re drinking the poison and hoping others will die.

Personally, I like to do the emotions to myself that I like.

When emotions pop up that I’m not fond of, then the mission is to quickly change them to ones that will serve me better.

This is a process of course, but anyone can learn it.

Like most people for many years emotions happened to me and I reacted and I accepted them as normal, I didn’t know any better just like most people.

So if you keep experiencing feelings you don’t like and have a tendency to blame others for how you feel you are in a common pattern that’s not helpful to you.

You were not born with it, you were taught it.

Plus the concept that “people make you feel things” is an illusion that’s not helpful, you have feelings because you create them.

You are the creator therefore once you know how you create them then you are back in control.

Plus if the only difference between successful people and unsuccessful people is the way they think and how they think creates how they feel – this for many is critical to learn.

In some cases, people are running these destructive patterns and it’s affecting their physical health too.

When I think of that self-destructive pattern it’s sad to know so many are out of control of their lives with terrible feelings thinking other people are making them feel that way.

People can’t run in your brain and make you feel things.

People can trigger us that’s true, but after the trigger, every emotion is of your own creation you have a choice, but many don’t see it.

So they react the way their emotional pattern has been designed.

Once you start to choose the emotions after the trigger, the trigger starts losing its power.

I remember one lady who when under stress ran a pattern of smiling.

I said to her “I notice you do smiling to yourself when under stress, who did you learn that from?”

“My mother,” she said. “She didn’t want others to know they were upsetting her.”

I said, “So she chose smiling and gave it to you and now you run that pattern without thought.”

“Since I was a child,” she said, still smiling.

So if you ponder what you have read today and then consider that all life is about is experiencing the feelings we want.

Wouldn’t it be sad if all along we could have chosen the feelings we wanted we just were not aware it was possible or how to do it?

This is part of “Living life on your terms“ – a small program I run for individuals who want to take back control of their life.

  • They could be in a relationship and have lost themselves.
  • Divorced and struggling with their new life.
  • Feeling life has no direction.
  • Feeling stuck and don’t know why.

Maybe like this gentleman below you have had enough and want to create the life you want.

After learning this one gentleman told me “I’m driving the train now!”

Simple steps to an empowered life.

Category iconMarriage Coaching,  Personal Development

"Clients have been kind enough to want to support YOU because they were once in your shoes"

Read their stories!

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Over 1000 Relationship Articles

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

Banker - London

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

Success Stories

Client responds to testimonial

November 11, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

I’m working with this lady, and during the session, she wanted to comment on a testimonial another client had left. As you go through today post, you will see what she wanted to say. Before you get to her words, I want to set the context. I’m not quoting her word for word here, but […]

“I was in tears…” 

October 20, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

‘Initially I went to Stephen with a sole focus on saving my marriage as my husband wanted a divorce whilst I felt I could not let go of the 14 years’ relationship without giving it a second chance. My husband was determined to exit and refused to join the Marriage Breakthrough Programme with me, therefore […]

“Lawyer saves relationship alone”!

July 27, 2021 By Stephen Hedger

“I went to see Stephen when my relationship was at breaking point. The final trigger was my partner’s plan to sell his property and move in with me. We had until then a long-distance relationship and never spent more than about a month together (thanks to the COVID lockdown). I had finally moved to his […]

“It was like walking through a minefield blindfolded”

November 29, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

When relationships go wrong the pain can be unbelievable. Today’s post is about a couple whose relationship was quickly out of control and both people thought it was the end. When I first agreed to meet this couple she arrived first.  She was clearly very anxious, eyes darting, wringing hands, unsure if her husband would […]

One small shift changed her mind & saved her marriage – Part 2 of “Should divorce really be the next step?”

May 10, 2020 By Stephen Hedger

What sits at the core of the most successful marriages. What is it that makes the difference. What is it that helps couples stand the test of time? What is it that helps couples make it through all the ups and downs life has to throw at them? Is sex at the core for a […]

Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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  • About
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Recent Posts

  • Marriage is a dance – A dance most couples kill
  • “We can’t find a way forward!”
  • Breaking unhealthy relationship patterns
  • Anyone that marries will have trouble!
  • “Identity Secrets”- Mini Post

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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