I am going to REVEAL the truth today to why so many couples are struggling. This is the foundation to many of the problems we all face.
This problem affects many areas of our lives and is alive and most active in all personal relationships without couples knowing.
The problem we all face, me included, is ‘we’ (humans) are so conditioned to protect ourselves from painful feelings we totally miss the ability to be able to create true happiness and fulfillment.
If you can understand this it’s the start of your own personal journey to freedom and if you have children it will help you to keep them safe emotionally.
This understanding changed my life forever, So I can’t stress enough how important this is.
I do slip back to old ways in the moment because I’m not perfect, or a robot, but I am today consciously aware and this awareness is what makes the difference for me to take the right actions in my life.
You may need to read this a few times to get it.
Our minds are conditioned to focus us to moving towards what feels good and away from what feels bad. We all feel that inside us.
The problem is this, what if our focus on moving away from what feels bad creates so many limits we end up feeling trapped in our own lives. So the human experience to create security by moving away from our fears actually creates the reverse. The focus on pain actually creates more pain in the long-term.
I’ll explain this in a real example.
I will use Jim as an example he’s 35 and a Lawyer.
Jim has had two serious relationships historically spanning six years. Both his partners cheated on him. Battered and bruised emotionally Jim took a year to get over this last relationship. Jim has a natural need for love (we all do) and so when he felt ready he summonsed the courage and made himself available for a new relationship.
Jim then met Sue and initially they got on great, but after a while Sue started to become uncomfortable with JIm. Jim without knowing had stopped doing all he did to attract Sue and he started to want know her every movement and thought.
[His mind started to want to protect him, he was just doing what felt right rather than what was going to create the happiness he wanted]
He wanted to know where she was all the time, who she was speaking to and what she was talking about.
Sue felt untrusted, trapped and the relationship felt really unhealthy, she also lost attraction because he seemed so needy and controlling.
Jims fears had naturally focused him towards security and trust and away from love, passion, fun and adventure. This new focus towards security was being driven by his fears. This change of focus changed Jims behaviours to protect him. Jim feared rejection, loss of love and betrayal.
Jims new focus on what wrong the minds natural protection mechanism actually drove Sue away the reverse of what he wanted.
If Jim was consciously aware of this he could have focused his energy into to setting her free and becoming invested in her happiness rather than trying to control her to love him.
This of course is just one example. Couples that are living together today are being controlled by their own fears without knowing and so their behaviours are not reflective of who they really are.
When individuals are so influenced by what they fear they will feel wrong inside. They will need to attach what’s wrong to what seems to make sense to them and for many that’s their relationship. This is how so many marriages fail and for all the wrong reasons.
So I want to ask you a question?
Are you aware of what fears are diving yours or your partners behaviours?
If you look at your relationship are you or your partner…
- Holding back?
- Punishing?
- Manipulating?
- Controlling?
- Making the other wrong?
- Judging?
- Always needing to be right?
If these or behaviours like these are in your relationship then fears are running the show. This means the relationship if it lasts will always struggle to get to the depth of connection that’s possible.
Usual casualties include the couples sex life dies and the children who are watching and learning how relationship work.
The results I see is relationships stop growing and start dying, couples spend more time out of the relationship than in it. What the couple moves towards for pleasure is NOT each other as work and friends become more attractive.
Hidden resentments are helping individuals to detach and feel emotionally numb. This leads many women to feel masculine in their relationship and men to feel weaker and the women to see them that way.
I hope this has helped you to get an insight into why their is so much unrest in the land of personal relationships.
- Understanding this is the first step toward your personal fulfillment. The next step is to take action to overcome this and free yourselves and your family. Click here to learn more
Harley Street Expert | Founder & High Performance Coach
With two decades of experience helping couples out of crisis, Stephen the founder of The Marriage Breakthrough Program, uses his proven system for rescuing and rebuilding relationships on the edge of divorce. A trusted advisor to CEOs, entrepreneurs, and industry leaders globally, his work blends emotional intelligence with strategic clarity. Known for navigating highly complex relationship challenges, Stephen helps individuals and couples find clarity and direction when everything is at stake.
Click to find out more >>> The Marriage Breakthrough Program
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