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Stephen Hedger

Stephen Hedger

Crisis Marriage Coach | Harley Street London

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#692: In marital crisis? Why talking about your problems may not be the answer?

Many couples in crisis try to sit down and talk about their problems. They have the best of intentions to solve their problems, but the result is more bad feeling.

How frustrating!

To be 100% clear I am NOT telling couples to stop talking. Cloe and I make it our mission to have meaningful connection every day. When couples I work with are out of crisis this what they are also taught to do.

What this post is about is when to know when talking is counterproductive and you need a new approach.

Many couples talk to me about going for help with a counsellor or therapist and come out of the session feeling worse than when they went in.

One lady this week told me she was terrified of getting help. She was convinced the “help” would make her marriage problems worse. She felt this way because that’s what’s happened to her friends.

The question is why? Why do couples who have problems struggle so much to deal with communication?

Let’s look at the answer…

Relationship problems have the power to create fearful emotions within us all…

Each person facing an uncertain future is living in a protective version of themselves. Their whole experience with their partner is filtered through this.

This means the persons essence has been taken over by a protective version of them, so they are not themselves.

So they hear a very distorted version of what their partner is saying and not their true intent.

So they are not really hearing their partner. What they hear is danger!!!

This problem is fundamental.

To help a couple successfully out of their problems you can’t focus them on their problems with each other. This process will compound the pain they have already attached to the relationship.

To help a couple out of trauma you have to get them out of their pain first.

Think about it, if someone is going to ask you to condense all your relationship problems into an hour, what do you think might happen?

Of course it’s going to create a heightened sense of fear and more pain – the mind is going to hear proof of danger.

So the goal is to help the person(s) experience the relationship from a new perspective where they don’t feel the danger in the same way.

I have had many people come in to my meetings convinced the relationship is over.

The moment I helped them understand why they have this perspective that’s the moment they can feel different about their relationship.

You see your mind is not designed to search for happiness it’s designed for survival.

When you feel your intimate relationship is under threat your survival mind takes over. It is looking for proof of danger, and it won’t be long before it finds it.

This threat changes the couples dynamic. It won’t be long before both people are on red alert consciously or subconsciously. This hidden energy changes their behaviors.

Individuals can change their perspective on their marriage when they see their survival mind has a totally different identity to the essence of who they really are.

You have to shift a person out of survival long before you can ever help them talk about their problem together.

This is why couples in crisis struggle to talk and this is why so many people are resistant to seek help.

They know in their heart the talking won’t help…

…BUT it doesn’t mean it’s the end, it means you have a short window to explore a new proven approach…

At a Glance: Relationship Building Programs available to you with Stephen Hedger

  • If you are in marital crisis you may need a tailor made 12 week Marriage Breakthrough Program.
  • If you NOT in crisis, but going round in circles then you may need a 6 week Relationship Repair Program.
  • If your in personal crisis then you may need a 4, 8 or 12 week Personal Breakthrough Program.

If your interested in any of Stephen’s programs either

Book an initial consultation so Stephen can assess what you need click here, or call to discover more information.

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I’m not going to ask you how you “feel", pay me to watch you argue, or try to find the person to blame.

I am looking to discover if the couple can become a team, overcome their problems together and create a dynamic that will create a loving and passionate life together.

My approach is to take you from where you are, to where you want to be… fast!

I can not recommend Stephen highly enough – he not only saved our marriage, but has improved my marriage and myself as a person.

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Do You Want
To Save Your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

A 30 minute call with Stephen

In a short phone conversation, Stephen was able to quickly get to the heart of what the real issue was in our marriage – and why in almost a year of working on our marriage including 10 weeks of marriage counselling through a relationship therapy organisation, we weren’t really making any progress. I found Stephen to be extremely perceptive, as well as empathetic to our situation, while being able to quickly pinpoint the real sticking point in our marriage.
Many thanks
Olivia

Dear Stephen
Thank you for your time to listen to my experience in my marriage. You gave me encouragement to speak out to my partner in confidence. You made me realise that sometimes the way we make comments on each other can aggravate the situation and make it worse. Your advice made me feel revived.

Kind regards

Chipo

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June 5, 2023 By Stephen Hedger

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Do you want
To Save your Marriage?

Hi, I'm Stephen Hedger. I'm determined to help couples discover what their marriage is capable of with the right information. My only question is, will it be yours?

Learn more

 

“Free Marriage in Crisis 8 Page Guide”:

Stephen Hedger is a marriage in crisis specialist sought after by CEO’s Bankers, Judges, GP’s, Business Leaders, A List Celebrities and Entrepreneurs Globally


Stephen says when you are in marital crisis it's important to know what to do to make sure your next steps don't make the situation even worse. This short guide written by Stephen is designed to help you take a step back and consider next steps intelligently.

 

Click to Download FREE

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Stephen Hedger offers married couples in crisis across the globe a comprehensive strategic roadmap to overcome their marriage problems. Today Stephen works with Celebrities, CEO’s, Lawyers, Bankers, Royalty, Judges, and business owners helping them transform their family and personal relationships with massive breakthroughs, seemingly against all odds.

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Recent Posts

  • His marriage was over!
  • “Needy and not needed!”
  • “Discover the No.1 Philosophy of Highly Effective Spouses: From Struggle to Success”
  • “Unveiling the Secrets: How I Mastered the Art of Resolving Relationship Issues”
  • 3 Foundations for a Healthy Marriage

*Disclaimer:
Any testimonials stated on this page or on any pages on the Stephen Hedger Marriage Coach website/s are proof of our success, naturally, results may vary from person to person.

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